Sunday, July 27, 2014

Making Really Hard Choices

I am sure I am putting myself out there to simply be hammered by many.  I am sure some of you will not understand.  I am sure some of you will yell at your computer screen and maybe even call me names.  But, I had to make a really hard choice this week.

About a month ago, Joe and I were approached about an opportunity to adopt a 13 year old boy whose adoption was being disrupted.  I will call him Dan.  Dan had been with is first adoptive family for most of his life and some circumstances had led to the parents decided they wanted a new family for Dan.

Joe and I said, "Ok..but first we need to see how he fits into our family."

So, for the past two weeks, we have hosted Dan.  We have tried to make this a very normal two weeks.  And from the beginning, Joe and I thought we could do this!  Dan was sweet and got along with everyone...well...sort of.

Then there was George.

I do not want to bore you with details of the endless amounts of strife between Dan and George.  But trust me, it was tense in the house.  And it wasn't Dan.  It was George.

Everything came to a head last night.

I was having a conversation with Isabel when George came in from playing outside. He was clapping his hands, singing, yelling stuff and was talking to me about what I was making for dinner.  I turned to George, like I would with any of my children who were being loud and interrupting, and asked him to be quiet for a minute and that I would talk with him after I finished my thought with Isabel.

George looked at me and yelled, "Idiot!"

Oh my!

I simply walked him up to Joe - told him what just happened and walked away.  Joe calmly directed George to his room and advised him to settle down for a few minutes and that we would talk then.

Screams.  Slamming of the door.  Growls.  I went to check on him and he had taken a black marker and had written all over his face and chest.  I asked for the marker and he lied to my face about where it was.  I told him it was time to change out of his bathing suit and he openly, defiantly refused.

I left him alone and told him he needed to take a few deep breaths and that we would talk when he settled down.

More screams.  More slamming of the door.  He yelled we were making him a slave (that is a recent favorite of his).  He yelled he wanted to run away (but...strangely, he never left his room this time).

I took some food up to him  and a cup of cold water.  Joe followed and thought it was time to talk.

We KNEW what was behind this massive blow up!!  George was completely, totally upset about Dan being here.  It had been a roller coaster for George ever since we told him.  What hurt the most was that Dan was being disrupted after 11 years with his family.  When we told our kids the story, George said, 'You mean you could still give up on my after 11 years?"

And all that progress we made...well...it was in jeopardy of completely sliding backwards.

When George had this massive blow up last night, he did not know that Joe and I had already decided that we were not going to follow up with adopting Dan.  We had already told the social worker and Dan's parents.  There was great peace for Joe and I  - and we had been diligently praying and asking others to pray for us.  And God granted us peace.  I don't know what the future holds for Dan, but I do know that we were able to pray for him, with him and to tell him that God loves him and will never leave him.

So, as we talked to George about what was going on in his heart to cause this massive blow up - George confessed that he was so upset about Dan coming into the family.  I can't explain the details - maybe they were too close in age.  Or maybe they were too much alike.  Or maybe George and Dan just didn't "click".  Whatever the case may be, Dan's presence in our house was causing a huge problem for George.

I had been witnessing this over the past 10 days.  And as I prayed over this situation, God reminded me that George was my SON.  George had rights.  I wrestled with God for a few days asking, "You mean I have to sacrifice the future of one child for the sake of one son who doesn't even love me most days?"  And God said, "Yes.  Chose George."

So, we chose George.

And so we told George.

I looked him in the eye and said, 'I am choosing YOU, George.  I saw your fear.  I saw your hurt.  And I want to make sure you know that I see and I am choosing you."

The wave of relief that came over George's face was huge!

Dan is going back to his family tomorrow.  I do not know what is going to happen.  I am praying for reconciliation.  I am praying for restoration.

It may not happen.

I might.

But, for now, we are sticking with continuing to walk down the road to healing with George.

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