Tuesday, June 26, 2012

How He's Doing

I know some wonder how George is doing.  I seem to write daily when things are really bad..and then not much in other times.  I think that is because we simply go from really bad to...well...just frustrating. 

I wish I had so many wonderful things to report.  This morning I sat here and thought of what I could share that was positive.  I guess the biggest positive is that I have taken him off his ADHD meds for the summer and he is doing....OK.  I never wanted George to become dependent, or worse, addicted to the meds that keep him settled.  I just wanted to see if they made a difference at school.  They did.  Now that school is over for the summer, I want him to continue to practice and work toward being able to settle himself down. 

Because of that, we have multiple instances a day where George has gone over the top with his behavior.  Nothing horrible - although he did scream "Call 911" yesterday while he was being pummled by his big brother, but that was pretty funny and it was simply brotherly confrontation.  Joe reminded me on our prayer walk on Sunday, "At least he is no longer dropping his pants to his ankles and standing in the front yard screaming at the top of his lungs."

Oh yes...he used to do that. 

And thankfully, he no longer does THAT!

Sometimes I just don't know what I am going to do.  I fight discouragement every day.  I fear for this boy.  The character of SELF is rooted so deeply he doesn't seem to even know how to come up for air.  Everything in his life is about SELF.  I will never forget his 1st grade teacher saying "He assumes everything is a personal slight against him."  It is still true.  I will be disciplining all three younger ones for hanging on the banister.  The other two will say, "Yes Ma'am," and George will go screaming into his bedroom, "You hate me and want to get rid of me!"  Uh....what? 

He still eats all the food he can get his hands on.  He still gets the biggest plate of food (even more food than Joe) for every meal and he STILL finishes first and wants more.  He has to be the first one to get seconds to ensure that he gets seconds and even thirds.  If we tell him he has had more than enough food, he pouts and then sneaks into the kitchen later to eat what he thinks he should have eaten at dinner. 

He cuts in front of every sibling as they go out the door to get into the car...still.
He interrupts and talks over someone when they are talking to me...still.
He tells me how horrible I am and refuses to say goodnight...still.

And I feel myself ready to give up again.

But God....

God gives me the words I need at just the right time.  And in my daily reading plan, I pick up my Bible and turn to Luke 7 and the subtitle is Love for Enemies.  "But I tell you who hear me:  Love your enemies, do good to those who hate you, bless those who curse you, pray for those who mistreat you." 

It is one thing to read these words and think of your "enemy" who lives across town...or even across the street.  It is another to read these words and know that the one who hates you, who curses you and who mistreats you is in your own house.  And it is a boy that God has called you to love as a son. 

But God's words are clear...crystal clear...this is not an option for me. 

Jesus goes on to say, "If you love those who love you, what credit is that to you?"

It is so easy for me to love all other 5 children...because they love me.  And when I write this, oh, I know it sounds so selfish.  Obviously, I stil have WORK.  I think Jesus is telling me, "Who cares that you love your children who love you back?  THAT is not what MY love looks like!  THAT is not the LOVE I have called my followers to practice!  Quit complaining and get moving!"

The final words in this section of scripture are Jesus saying, "Be merciful, just as your Father is merciful."

According to Unger's Bible Dictionary, "mercy" is defined as: "a form of love determined by the state or condition of its objects. Their state is one of suffering and need, while they may be unworthy or ill-deserving. Mercy is, at once the disposition of love respecting such, and the kindly ministry of love for their relief."

So I have to think about the state of George.  He IS suffering and he is in need.  And sometimes, he sure is unworthy of a momma who loves and forgives and gives gifts and feeds and cleans...but is he?  Isn't he really just a child who was not nurtured much and then hurt in a poor villiage and then abandoned?  Isn't he a child who has known hunger so deeply that permanent scars have left their mark?  Isn't he a child who doesn't understand the love of a mother?  Or at least an American mother.

Mercy is loving George for his relief.

Mercy is loving George to bring healing to the places that are so broken.  And loving George is what God is asking me to do.  Becuase....God has loved me and continues to love all my broken places.

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