Thursday, March 15, 2012

When Does it End?

There are days that I get tired of the same broken record repeating itself day after day.

George is not in a "my life is horrible" mood.

He hates that I pack his lunch and has begun "forgetting" his lunch all the time and then lying to the school to get a hot lunch. He has lost all his birthday money in paying for these lunches. Today, he decided he wanted me? The boy hates milk but felt he needed to take some today from the cafeteria. When I asked him why he did that, he yelled at me, "'s free! The kids who take it don't pay money, they show this card thing.."

"Yea..that's their meal card that represents the money their parents have paid...oh, forget it."

He can't understand a concept like that. Seriously, that is way beyond his mental capabilities right now.

I asked him what he would need from me to know that I loved him and would never leave him.

He looked me in the eye and answered, "When you give me everything I want."

Someone please tell me!!!! How do I parent this??? How do I convince this child that a mom who truly loves would NEVER give a child everything he wants?

This is what I am up against.

And George has simply become and worse and worse in this department. He wants everything and thinks I do nothing for him and give him nothing. When I asked why the other kids don't complain, he says, "You give them everything they want."

No! I don't! But they don't ASK for much and when I say NO they accept it.

Even Anna.

This is beyond an orphan issue. This is a SIN issue. A boy who is so self-centered he can't see past his GREED and DESIRE for everything.

He hasn't learned yet that those new shoes...they don't satisfy. That 10th piece of pizza...only makes you feel sick. That ride in the car...ends in disappointment because we were just picking up Eleanor and not going to the store to buy you thousands of presents.

The only thing that will and can and must fill that hole in his heart is Jesus. I heard it once and it has never left me...George can't bond or love or forgive or show mercy or grace until he BONDS WITH JESUS.

And for some reason, Jesus hasn't moved in George's heart yet. And I don't know why.

But..I will YET praise HIM who gave me this son to raise. Yes..I will chose to praise a God who is teaching me much about bonding and love and forgiveness and mercy and grace.


Brian & Amy said...

oh. your story today broke my heart to pray for G's salvation. the burden is heavy on me and i will pray. i trust others will as well.

<3 you! KNOW KNOW KNOW that you have been called to this task. He would not call you without equipping you. I am praying some prayers in Ephesians and Colossians for you.


Michaela said...


I think I was unclear. It seems to me that faith development is most effectively initiated by a healthy, non-traumatic first-mom experience. Makes our job that much more complex!

I once had a very wise friend ask me, "Is your God big enough to use even your failings in the life of your children?' Wise words!

Talk to you soon.