Monday, March 19, 2012

My Ministry Life

I am going to do a bit of therapeutic venting right now. Or maybe I just need to write some thoughts out. Unfortunately, this is done on this very public forum, so if you have no interest in the struggles in my ministry life, feel free to ignore this post. I promise to get back to RAD, ODD, kids and all that good stuff. Right now...I just am unsure of some things.

First of all...I love Safe Families. I do. I believe the heart of God is for us to practice biblical hospitality. I believe God wants the Church to start caring for the modern day widows (single moms) and the fatherless (their children) right in our own neighborhoods. I have heard God challenge me, asking how can I think I can minister to the widows and orphans in Africa if I am not willing to do it here? So, I have embarked on a life that is attempting to use my God-given abilities to lead this ministry.

When we knew we were leaving WI, I told Joe, "Maybe this is my chance to leave Safe Families and start an orphan ministry?" Crazy, I know. How can I love something, but want to leave it?

We arrived..and a door that clearly opened was to develop Safe Families in South Carolina. I love the people I work with. I love that government agencies and foundations and non-profit organizations are falling in love with the SF ministry model. I love how God has paved a way for this yankee, being brand new in a southern state, to talk to so many people.

But yet, at the end of EVERY day...I have to acknowledge that in my heart, I just don't know if this is what God wants me to be doing. How can God be clearly opening doors...and yet I FEEL like this isn't right? How can I talk to a church or a pastor and get them so excited about this ministry...and yet long for the day when I can talk about orphan care and adoption?

And then I start thinking about home schooling. I see the benefit home schooling has afforded my oldest two and I wonder about Anna and Lincoln and George and even Isabel. Sometimes, I long for them to be home..and home schooling is so prevalent and accepted down here!

And then I start thinking about summer. And how I just want to be at the pool with my kids. It's been OK for me to work during the school year..but in the summer, I just want to be with them!

And then, I start to think about adoption and talking to people about adoption. And then, I want to visit orphanages and encourage mission trips and long-term partnerships.

But, while all that is going on in my head and in my heart, I continue to make appointments to talk to pastors about SFFC right here in Greenville. Is that wrong?

Or is there someone who is really supposed to run with this? Is there someone looking for a job right now?

This weekend, I am speaking at an adoption conference in TN about living with a RAD child. In May, I will be doing the same thing for a conference in NC. Both conferences are times in which I will try to encourage women going through the same things I am going through by turning to the Lord. THAT is where my heart is.

I DO believe that God has allowed me the privilege of parenting a RAD child so that I can share what He is teaching me about love.

So, please tell me.....what should I do? What advice would you give me?

1 comment:

grtlyblesd said...

Wow, I can't believe no one commented on such a heartfelt post. I found your blog from a link at Sharing Adoption Truth, that someone shared on Facebook. We have 7 bio kids, and one adopted from China. I would love to foster, but California laws say no more than 6 kids in a home. I would love to do Safe Families, but my husband is not ready yet. You are fortunate to be used by God to work with Safe Families and to be able to share your experience with other struggling families.

Reading your post, it's almost like you have "helpfulness ADD" lol. I hope you find direction and peace soon.