Monday, March 5, 2012

The Battle

Here is the battle that wages in George's mind...every minute of every day.

This new mom is going to leave me. Moms do that. She will get fed up, she'll get angry, she'll get frustrated and just send me away.

My life in Ethiopia was wonderful. I want to go back to that life. I had parents who loved me and I always had enough food and I had lots of toys and went to school and had lot of of shoes.

I know this life here will get swept away from me, just like it did in Ethiopia - so I might as well get it moving along. If I can control the when and the where and the how it will happen, I won't be hurt as much. No one will hurt me like that again. No one will abandon me again. No one will let me down again. If I make this new family give up on me...the sooner I get back to Ethiopia where life was grand.

But...maybe it wasn't so grand. Wait...I don't want to think that. It WAS grand!

This mom says she loves me...but it can't be true. My Ethiopia mommy loved me - or she said she did. But she gave me up. She lied to me and then left me. This mom has no reason to love me...I am going to be ugly to her. I am going to hate her so she just gets rid of me sooner than later.

This is the battle. This is the inner dialogue constantly running a loop in George's mind.

He truly has no reason to trust me. Why SHOULD I love him? Why SHOULD I stay?

I tell him I love him. I tell him I will always stay.

He just doesn't believe can't believe me.

1 comment:

Chasity Cole said...

Traci~ This inner dialogue must be so draining on George and, by that and the actions it induces, so very difficult on you as well. Praying he finds security, peace and love in little moments that begin to silence the fears and release him to feel free to be loved.