Thursday, February 2, 2012

Parenting a Child With RAD

I have driven myself crazy over the last two days reading blogs, lists, research, and medical journals. I have been hungry for all I can learn about RAD and how I am supposed to be parenting this very broken child.

I have learned a few things:

1. This is going to be harder than I ever imagined. No one, and I mean no one, writes about how quickly their child was healed or how over-night things seemed to be better. On one hand I already know this for it has been a very hard three years. But on the other, I was kind hoping that someone somewhere would have figured out the magic pill that could erase the years that caused my son to not be able to trust or love anyone of significance in his life.

2. There are 10,000 suggested ways to parent a child with RAD. And for each one of those 10,000 ways, there are 10,000 more saying those first 10,000 ways are wrong and you need to do these new 10,000 ways now. It is mind-boggling and borderline infuriating to realize how there really is no one tried and true way to "fix" George.

3. I can't "fix" George.

4. My parenting is not enough. My love is not enough. Nothing I can do will ever be enough.

5. God is enough. His love is enough. He has already done everything that is enough. (Thank you, Cindee.)

6. Before George can attach to me...he must attach to Jesus. I believe in my heart that God has a plan for this child and that plan involves being a Weldie and being in a home where our Lord and Savior is lifted high.

I have to admit that even in the last 12 hours I have gone back and forth 100 times between "I am committing to this child and his healing" and "this child may be better off with a fresh start in a new home". I hate that I am swinging between these two very different options!

Joe has reminded me that we have a plan in place and to stick with it: George will start counseling every other week with a man who totally gets RAD and ODD AND is a believer and knows that Jesus Christ is the key to everything! Second, we need to find respite - respite for us and especially the other kids who desperately need to have fun with no stress of George ruining the day. Haven't figured out that respite part yet...but hopefully God will provide.

Hanging in there today...and that I all I can do.


Jenn said...

Respite is beautiful!!! I pray you find someone quickly. If I was closer, I'd love to provide respite for you!
You might also consider summer respite, where a couple or family would take George for an entire summer. Maybe a country home...or somewhere you think would be therapeutic for him.
Respite allows you to breath again...deeply. Regroup. Laugh. Smile. Be "normal". So good for you, Joe and the kids.
Praying Traci! You are ENOUGH for George because God is ALWAYS fighting. ALWAYS.

Cindee Snider Re said...

Holding you close, Traci, and lifting you high! Hang in there and don't be so hard on yourself for how you feel. Let God hold you close as you grieve what you hoped would be and what really is. It's a process, this journey through our broken world, but you'll get there in baby steps. I love you, sweet friend!

ESolgos said...

Any chance there is a college near you? Sometimes there are students in counseling or occupational therapy who need hours and would be very willing to provide respite while learning about RAD...

Traci Weldie said...

Jenn - thanks for the encouragement. Montana might be a nice place for summer respite :)

Cindee - Love you!

Erika - that is a great idea. Clemson is just "up the road" about 45 minutes away.