Friday, January 20, 2012

Reality Check

I love getting words of encouragement. I love how so many people were thrilled to see how God poured out His love onto George by providing amazing new teeth for him.

But I need to give you a dose of my reality.

When we got home from the dentist, George told me he was so mad. I asked why and he told me he hated the dentist because he didn't give him white teeth on the bottom.

When Eleanor came home from school, she excitedly asked George to show her his new teeth. He replied, "No!" and stormed out of the room.

In the car on the way to the bus stop this morning, George told me he would not be happy until I bought him some new shoes. May I remind you that he has more shoes than I do.

After school, when I presented him with a new binder and a new backpack (because he has ripped his first ones) he stormed off to his room because the binder was red.

George then tells Isabel he hates her. She had done nothing.

We finally send him to bed.

Joe and I pray.

Then I go into George's room, pull him onto my lap to rock him and tell him softly that I love him. After a while, he asks to go back to bed. I tell him I love him and he pulls the covers over his head.

Then, he gets out of bed six times. He need water. He needs a tissue. He needs chap-stick. On and on. I finally tell him no more! He comes down AGAIN and tries to sneak his library book upstairs. I tell him he can look at it in the morning. He then goes to Joe (who has no idea that George has been out of bed six times) and sweetly asks for his book. Joe says yes.

George then comes down, laughs in my face and says, "DAD said I could have my book. You can't stop me." He laughs all the way up the stairs.

Yes...this is my life.

This is the cross I bear. This is the cross I chose to pick up daily and carry. Some days...well most days...I hate this cross. God, give me another cross please! I don't want this one anymore. It hurts too much.

When is enough enough? When is it better for him to move on?

When I was holding him in his room, he quietly said, "I thought you were going to give up on me." I begged him to stop trying to see where that line is.

But, he didn't.


Brooke said...

Oh traci, my heart just breaks to read this, but I can tell you that George is in your family, and has your children for siblings, and has you for his momma and joe for his daddy for so many little reasons and one very big one: because God knew you wouldn't give up on your George. He knew you could take on the task with such amazing strength, courage, faith and perseverance and that is why He sent you to Africa to get George. There will be a bright light at the end of this tunnel, and one day you will see the fruits of your labor. Hang on, friend.

Donna-Jean Breckenridge said...

Traci, praying for you. I ache to read this. How I pray that God's mercies are new tomorrow morning for you.

amymay said...

Tracie, I'm praying for you. It sort of didn't surprise me when you said that George hated the dentist because he didn't ALSO do his bottom teeth. Normal kids do this, you probably know that from your experience with the rest of your kids. My kids don't have the issues that George has, but even so, they say things like that to me. I expect happy smiles, they tell me, "well I WANTED..." And I think to myself, "Where does this spoiled brat come from? Didn't I teach them better than that?"

I'm not telling you that so you should expect bad behavior, I don't know if I'm saying it well, but George sounds like he has normal kid issues times a zillion, the little things other kids do turn catstrophic with him. I'm so sorry that its day after day, minute by minute with him. Keep going. Keep begging God. He does hear us. He does. He hears you, he will bring you, your entire family, through this. Keep asking, praying, begging. And I'm praying for you too. Maybe a lot more people are praying for you and George than you even realize. And some day we'll all get together in Heaven and you'll see the army that was backing you up with prayer, our voices all crying out to the Lord for you. Keep your eyes on Jesus, he WILL bring you throgh. (Hebrews 12:1-3)

You can do it sister!