Tuesday, November 22, 2011

Too Close For Comfort

George and I had been making huge strides. So, as expected, it was all too close for George.

And now, he is backing off and being as mean and nasty as possible to me.

All over jeans and sweatshirts.

So, the nice, warm feelings of hugs and school are gone. He is back to putting the covers over his head when I go in to say goodnight. He is back to doing the complete opposite of what I ask him to do. He is back to yelling that he hates me and wants a new family.

Yes..that is my life. I go from hints of progress and how nice our family will be someday to thinking maybe this was not meant to be from the start. This boy is slowly killing my spirit and my joy. He is taking every ounce of fun out of the day and causes us all to dread the moment he walks into a room.

I was standing outside last night talking to Joe about this and he said, "Well, Babe, you got really close to him the last few weeks. Too close for comfort. Now he is telling you to back off."

Lord, I need strength to get through this. I am dreading Thanksgiving now. My parents are coming and everyone is so excited about that! But this morning, in the car on the way to school, George announced that he is going to be extra bad on Thanksgiving to ruin it for all of us. What kind of boy thinks this way - let alone says it out loud?

I think of how horrible last winter was. And I am begging God to not put me through that again. I can't do it. And I wonder, are we heading into that same cycle now?

Three more Ethiopian children just came up for disruption. That means three more parents said they just can't do it anymore. Friends and family, I am begging you to cover my family in prayer. Some days, living with George is simply a nightmare. But, Joe and I are committed to him and have promised him we would not give up. But, I am at my end (again) and know that I simply can't do this in my own strength and power. God has to arrive - He has to show up in George's life and bring him healing.

4 comments:

amymay said...

Hi Traci, I know you don't know me but I'm praying for you. I pray that George finds healing in the Lord, that he feels your love despite his deep hurt, and can allow you to accept him. You're doing great! Even when it doesn't seem like it, even when you can't see the progress, or it seems like each little step forward is met only with a giant leap back, God is honoring your commitment to follow Him. You are doing wonderful, awesome, amazing things for each one of your children. Keep up the good work, fix your eyes on Jesus and put one foot in front of the other... You can do it Sister! Hebrews 12:1-3

McAnon said...

Traci, I've been readying your blog for some time now.

You are parenting a traumatized child. He has not matured to the point of understanding what is going on inside his head and heart.

Please see welcometomybrain.net. She is also parenting traumatized children. She's become quite the advocate. She can give you wonderful advice and parenting techniques.

McAnon said...

http://www.parentingadoptedkids.com/order_therapeutic_parenting_manual

Amy @ Literacy Launchpad said...

Traci, I hate that things are getting rough again. I KNOW these feelings you are describing. I am struggling myself to figure out how to maintain my joy whilst living with an extremely unpleasant girl whom I am supposed to be mothering. This is SO hard. Most days it just plain sucks. But I was reading your "A Lunch Date" post and I'm shocked that you get big hugs and "I love you's." I don't EVER get those from my daughter. And barely ever even from my almost 8 yr old son who doesn't really seem to have all the issues as my daughter. That's awesome that you at least have those moments sometimes!