Sunday, October 9, 2011

"Not a Good Boy"

Every day I am learning more and more about what makes George tick.

Saturday morning, George was having a rough one. I can't remember exactly what set him off. I think it was that we ran out of T*aster Strudel. Or maybe it was because Lincoln got to go with Daddy for a quick trip to the store. It really doesn't matter what the reason is, George will find any way to be angry these days.

My challenge is to not engage him when he is acting that way. So, he stormed up the stairs saying hateful, awful things. Oh, how tired I am of writing this same story out! But, he does it again and again, so this is my life.

Two days in a row of George pouting and whining about not getting SOME THING that he wanted. And Joe finally had enough.

After a bit, George had finally settled down enough to to talk. Joe talked to him about his behavior, how it simply is unacceptable for him to act the way he does when he doesn't get his way. They talked and then Joe said, "George...you ARE a GOOD BOY...now BE a GOOD BOY."

George's face broke into a million pieces suddenly and the tears raced down his cheeks.

"I don't believe I am a good boy."

Oh, Georgie - why would you say that?

"Because my Africa mommy gave up on me."

I think we are finally getting to a heart issue. George does not believe he is good at heart and so he acts out what he believes he is.

How do I answer? How do I even begin to re-build a child who has been so hurt?

I am learning that this is not a quick-fix and I am learning this is a hard road. Yes, I chose this road....but as I think of my son in all his brokenness and grief...I am willing to walk the hard road.

Through it all, I know God chose THIS broken boy for me. God knew how much I needed to be changed through this . So, not only is my story about adopting a boy from Africa, it is TRULY about a woman who is learning (slowly, I might add) to look more like Jesus.

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