Monday, September 12, 2011

School Visit

Life with George continues to be hard.

But, I have YET AGAIN confessed to the Lord that the problem is ME....I am angry at George for not loving me the way I think I should be loved by him. And, I think that's really it.

In church on Sunday, we sang "You Are God Alone, from before time began. You are on your throne...You are God alone. And right now, through the good times and bad, You are on your throne...You are God alone." The Spirit was moving among the congregation and true worshipers, with hands raised and voices lifted, sang the words that simply told God who He was. The worship leader led us in a quiet time of prayer and I knew then...it was time to confess my hard heart.

I wept with my face in my hands. Oh, God...I have been so hard hearted toward George. Please forgive me.

Since Sunday, I have been working on a new attitude toward George. I need to allow him to be him. I need to remember that I can't undo 6 horribly hard years in 2 years. And foolish I am to think that the last 2 years have been wonderful for him! He was flown in an airplane for 18 hours with two people who he didn't know and couldn't talk to. He was thrown into a family full of fair skinned, blue eyed people who knew each other inside and out. It has not been easy for him at all.

Tonight, we piled into the Suburban and went to the elementary kids' open house. We started with Lincoln - who is rockin' Kindergarten by the way! Then, off to Anna's room. I will write more on her in a later post - but her teacher is amazing! It was time to have George lead us to his classroom. He was nervous - acting "weird" - but at least we now know how to recongize it. Even though my insides said, "NO!", I reached across the hallway and began walking hand in hand with George and whispered in his ear that everything was going to be OK.

We had a great time talking with his teacher and watching George, with pride, show us what he is reading and writing. It was time to leave and he grabbed my hand and said, "Oh, momma! I need to show you this."

It was a newspaper page - a This Is Me - type of project. He pointed to a column on the bottom half of the page that was titled, "My Hero". And there, he wrote in his best handwriting, "My mommy and daddy are my heroes."

Thank you, Lord, for this gift tonight. It was as if God was sending me a message that said, "I saw you in the church. I saw your broken heart as you wept and confessed. That is what I desire...a broken and contrite heart. Trust me to give you what you need. I chose George for YOU. Let this time tranform you. "

OK, God.

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