Wednesday, July 6, 2011

Talk Less...Listen More

I guess it's time for a George update. we continue to struggle.

The bottom line is this child fights for everything. He fights when you tell him he is saying the wrong word. He fights when you tell him he needs to make his bed. He fights when you tell him we are going to the pool in one hour.

And then, he talks and talks and talks and talks.......and then talks some more. He talks with confidence and authority as if he knows everything and we know nothing.

When he asks questions, he tries to trick people or trap them. His questions lead to him making fun of someone.


These are words I use every day with George.

I tell him that the best way for him to learn is to talk less and listen more. But since he can't listen or doesn't listen, he doesn't hear me and so he doesn't get it. He lives in this world where he desires to put his siblings down constantly and wants to be bigger, stronger, better than they are. Everything is still a competition - waking up first has even become his latest way to "beat everyone else." He races to the car, races to finish dinner first and be the first one to get seconds, he races to get the candy thrown out at the parade, he races to the chair because he sees his sister just about to sit down on is never ending.

His siblings put up with so much! They get tired of his words - most of the time they are so foolish and so hate-filled still.

Some days, I still have to battle getting out of bed because I hear George doing something I have asked him 5,674 times not to do. I don't want to spend ALL of my energy parenting George. He takes and takes and takes ALL of me and I have so little left to parent my other children. When it comes to being with the others...I am working on fumes.

Just a few days ago it finally dawned on me that is exactly what George wants...he wants and even demands all of my attention and I think he continues to misbehave simply to continue getting all of my attention. And here is the ugly crux of the matter - because of how rotten he treats me and others, I don't want to spend time with George. But, time with George is exactly what will help him learn how to treat me and others better.

We plod along day after day. We go through the same routine day after day. And I continue to cry out to God to give me love and patience and forgiveness day after day - because I am all tapped out. I still believe this is all worth it...some days are just harder than others.


denise said...

I'm praying for you and your family Traci! I heard once that God gave us TWO ears and ONE mouth because we are supposed to listen TWICE as much as we talk...

Bear Creek Mama said...

I have a child so amazingly similar - I know just how hard this struggle is and how what will help them heal the most is the hardest thing to give them :-).
Praying with and for you!

Carey said...

My heart is pounding you just described many of the things we go through with Peter. How do I start helping him? He's been home 4 years - the first year was WONDERFUL but down hill since. We thought we did everything right that first year but.... Now what?

Amy @ Literacy Launchpad said...

We go through the same things with our daughter! It feels like we are never getting through to her. I hate feeling like I am merely tolerating her most days, but that's the reality lately.

Julie said...

wow! Found my way to your blog via my friend Rona (amazing mom to tons of kids!). We have a family much like yours - 4 bio and 2 sisters adopted from Ethiopia. Your description of your son brings tears to my eyes as it is sooooo similar to what we are going through with our 7 year old (the older of the two) daughter from Ethiopia. It seems to come and go but we are in the thick of what you describe right now. The power stuggles and pushing everyone's buttons. I feel such pain over it - particularly for my bio kids who take so much of it all day. I will pray for you - it is the only thing to get us through the days, isn't it? Sending hugs to you across the miles from Virginia (you will love the south! I am a Yankee who has been in the south for many years - love it!!). Thanks for sharing! Julie