Monday, January 31, 2011

Not So Happy These Days

George has not been happy much these days. I am not quite sure what is going on, other than to think that we are starting to hit our "seconds". The second anniversary of being adopted. THe second anniversary of leaving the orphanage he called home for two years. The second anniversary of dealing with his abandonment in light of his new momma. The second anniversary of major change into a new family, a new culture, a new environment. The second birthday being spent in America. All of these things hit in the month of February. Thankfully, it's a short month!

I shared how George was angry. I would say this weekend, his anger turned to sadness. We talked so much with him about how to properly vent his anger - not to yell at his teacher or hit his classmates. But honestly, we don't see that behavior much at home. He HAS learned how to get along with his family - and that is good to report!

We got George's report card on Friday. Again, my heart sank as I read over and over again how below grade level he is performing. Of course, I know this in my head! But, as I was looking over the grades, I couldn't help but feeling very sad. And then the comments came, 'Does not get along with others", "Quick to perceive a slight", "Does not handle conflict well"..on and on negative comments came flying at me, hitting me squarely in the face. I know these things about George, but maybe I could deny them if no one else saw them. Now, these words are out there describing MY son.

Thankfully, George's teacher caught me on Friday and said, "I realized all I wrote on the report card were negative comments. I want you to know that I think he has great potential."


To me, all that says is that we have so much more work to do. So far to go, still!

All weekend, the words of "does not get along well with others" resonated through my brain. I see that in George. When he is uncomfortable, he hangs his head low and won't talk to anyone. When he is angry, he lashes out in harsh sounding words. If he thinks he is getting jilted, he will let you know. I see at church how his Sunday School teacher says goodbye each morning, and how George ignores him. So often, I boil over with anger as he does these things.

Until I remember a few things: this child has experienced the most important relationship in his life betraying him, leaving him behind; this child has buried his father and a baby sister; this child has been so hungry that when he finally had food in front of him, he ate until he threw up and then went right back to eating. And then this child was taken from everything he knows, sights, sounds, smells, culture, music, language, clothing, weather...on and on and on, and placed into a white, English-speaking, middle class family living in a cold, snowy environment.


Oh, Lord, I need more grace, I need YOUR love to pour into this little boys' life again and again! Forgive me for getting angry at what I perceive to be how slowly he is "coming around to our way of life". Forgive me for forgetting what this child has been through. Forgive me for being selfish - not understanding why he doesn't totally love me yet. Forgive me, Father, for not being the mom to George that YOU are asking me to be. I am here, on my knees to say once again, that I am going to trust YOU. I am going to believe that YOU can make all things new, that YOU will do a mighty work in George's life to bring back the smiles and the giggles and the joy that he once knew. YOU make beautiful things out of us.

Beautiful....last night, I heard beautiful laughter as we had a tickle fest in our kitchen after dinner. Beautiful...yesterday, as George, Lincoln and Harry ran around the house playing hide-n-go seek. Beautiful...watching Eleanor go into George's room to say goodnight to him.

There is such beauty around us, right here in my family. And I am happy to once again remember how much God desires to make all things new, to take the ashes and make them beautiful. That goes for George....and me.

1 comment:

mhomes said...

Thanks for the reminders, Traci!!I have to remember this with my own biological children who grew up completely in my home--I need to trust them to HIM; HE will help them make the right choices and the right decisions in life and I don't need to feel like I am a failure if they don't make them the way I would have wanted them to or if they fall on their faces only to have the Lord pick them up and help them start over again. HE will make all things beautiful--in HIS time!!

God bless you, my dear sister in Christ!!