Wednesday, November 3, 2010

Saying Goodbye Today

We are saying goodbye to our first Safe Families child today. It is a very bittersweet moment. I have yet to cry, but I feel that I could at any minute. Yes, there is a strange strength present that I did not expect. I know where that strength is coming from and I am praising God for being so faithful!

Fast forward about 7 hours...I wrote that paragraph this morning when I thought I could sneak in a blog post. I couldn't. E was needing something and Lincoln couldn't find his shoes and before I knew it, we were heading down Highway 94 heading to a meeting destination with a social worker. The whole way there, I was fine. I even stopped in at church and chatted with friends who asked if I was ok.

"Oh yea! I'm doing great! This is turning out to be no big deal. I have this peace...weird."

I spent the last few hours with E sharing snacks, lying on the new carpet of the church watching a Veggie Tales movie, and enjoying watching Lincoln and E run back and forth and back and forth across the hallway. They giggled the whole time. Smiles were abundant.

Then, it was time.

E went right into the car seat waiting for him. He was exhausted. After getting up early, and then playing for hours, he was ready for a nap. I transferred over a box of clothes, a bag of toys and books, and then grabbed the sippy cup.

"Oh, here is his sippy cup. It's empty, you might want to fill it up when you stop for gas. Oh, and here is this special blanket. He sleeps with it every night. Someone made it for him and prayed over it especially for him. Oh, and he had oatmeal this morning and them some snacks while we were waiting, but he'll probably need to eat lunch soon. Oh, he likes peanut butter sandwiches, but no jelly. And...well...I guess that's it. Bye buddy."

He looked at me through the closed window, he looked so tired. He didn't cry, he didn't even wave. Earlier in the morning, Lincoln said, "You are going to see your momma today!" And E pointed right at me and said, "Momma." Yet, this momma had to let him go.

I learned so much through this experience. Yes, I am hurting today and I am pretty sure my whole family will be hurting for a while. But, E deserved our love! Just because it will hurt in the end, does not mean it isn't worth doing! I am praying that seeds were sown...it's as simple and as complicated as that.

2 comments:

Brooke said...

Wow, Traci. I admire what did for this little boy over the past few weeks, and admire your strength even more. I'm grateful that E was able to feel the abundant love of the Weldie family and will continue to pray for his little life!

breathedeeply.org said...

You did a beautiful thing, my friend, and E will forever be richer for the time he spent being loved by each of you, and so will you! :)