Friday, May 21, 2010

So Stubborn

Oh, George can be so stubborn! George's class was going on a field trip to a planetarium after a few weeks of learning about our solar system. George was so excited and all week long was counting down the days until Thursday, the day he would finally board a bus and head to the place to see the stars.

I thought it might be wise to explain what a planetarium is before he got there. I know all too well how we reacts to new situations. So, Joe and I talked about how the room would get really dark and how he could sit back in a chair and then slowly stars would start to appear. I had just been there this time last year, and I tried to remember every detail so he would have an idea of what to expect.

And so, George got even more excited.

Thursday morning found George awake around 5:30am. He tip-toed into my room and said, "I have to get to school. My teacher said we can't be late to school."

"Um...ok...but, you are never late to school. The bus always gets you there on time....", I think this is what I said, because I am a slow waker-uper.

"Momma! I dressed, I ready, I need to eat breakfast."

I knew I was not going to be able to reason with George on this one. So, I got up and prepared his breakfast. In the meantime, he grabbed his backpack and put it on. Next, came his shoes. By 6:00am, he was totally ready for school. The problem is, the bus doesn't come until 6:35.

I told George to just go sit down and relax somewhere.

He screamed at me, "No! I can't be late to school today!"

I sipped my coffee, trying to figure out how I could convince George that he would not be late. I couldn't think of anything. He then announced, "I'm going to wait for the bus." And he walked out of the house.

And there he stood....from 6:05 to 6:35. Thirty minutes he stood still at the end of the driveway waiting for the bus.

While I watched him, I was drawn back to my very first sight of George. There he stood in the orphanage. Completely still with a backpack on his back, he stood and stood while he waited for us. Like the planetarium, I am sure the nannies told him what to expect, but just like the planetarium, words can only do so much. George was excited because he was told he was going to get on a plane and go to America. Beyond that, I am not sure how much he really understood. Or...now I see this stubborn boy who might have been told, but he was so so set on his idea and his way that he couldn't see past getting on a plane and going to America.

As I saw George at the end of the driveway, jaw set, eyes focused and so determined to catch that bus, I saw George in the orphanage; same set jaw, same focused eyes and so determined to catch that plane. We had a incredibly hard week in Ethiopia because George kept wondering when he was going to get on a plane. He couldn't understand the wait.

Just like he couldn't understand the wait for the bus.

So, here comes the spiritual lesson, that in this very moment God is revealing to me. He is telling me, "That is you. That is what you look like when I have a plan for you and you won't wait on me." Ouch. There I stand, jaw set and eyes focused, truly believing that I know better than God. As George stood down there, I sighed at his foolishness, but I kept a constant watch over him, making sure he was safe. God is doing that with me, huh? I stand foolishly at the end of my driveway, ready for the next big thing, the next bus or plane, and He sits in the house keeping an eye on me at all times, wishing though, that I would just come back in and sit down for a minute or two.

I called Joe yesterday morning and lamented that George still doesn't completely trust me. Maybe God was just giving me a picture of myself...and He is saying, "You still don't completely trust me yet, do you?"

Who is the stubborn one?

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