Wednesday, May 26, 2010

Reading the Psalms

Every time this happens, I am amazed. I know that God's word is living and active, but when it teaches me, I still am humbled and surprised. It happened again this morning.

The kids and I were doing our daily morning reading, which found us in Psalm 131. I love this Psalm, and thanks to Sons of Korah, I know this one by heart. As a side note, this song ran through my head the entire time I was in the hospital after giving birth to Lincoln.

"My heart is not proud, O Lord,
my eyes not haughty;
I do not concern myself with great matters
or things too wonderful for me.

But I have stilled and quieted my soul;
like a weaned child with its mother,
like a weaned child is my soul within me."

So, for years, this Psalm spoke to me about my sin..namely my pride. And, as I would sing this song to God, I would continue to focus on NOT being proud and understanding that all of God's ways are higher than my ways, and many times I simply do not have the capacity to understand them...so what is there to be proud of? I am not saying I have licked the pride thing, but God sure has humbled me over the past two years! (Thank you, God.)

But, somewhere along the line, I heard teaching on this Psalm and wrote a note in my Bible. Next to the "weaned child" portion I wrote this: "developed trust in God". And this is what struck me this morning.

Who is a weaned child? I know what this is from years of being a mom. Weaned children are past the baby stage and have been so filled with the abundant love I have poured into them from birth, that now they stand on their own, take steps away from Mom. But, they take those steps with great confidence, knowing that Momma is right there. Through countless hours of bonding and feeding, skin to skin contact, my children slowly developed TRUST. Through every cry that was responded to, to every need that was met, to completely undivided attention, my children learned to completely trust Momma. They still trust me to this day.

They know I care for them. They know I will do everything I can to meet their needs, and even their wants. They know I discipline them for their good.

George has not developed that trust yet. But, I have not had the opportunity to pour into him as much as I did my home made kids. We didn't have those close, skin to skin contact times. In fact, when I tried to hold him in those early months, he would push and squirm away. We cuddle a bit now, but he is 7 and how many 7 year old boys cuddle for long? I didn't feed him, George has always been able to feed himself. And his trust in me is taking a long time to come.

A friend sent me a blog link about a family that was struggling with bonding with their adopted daughter. They visited a therapist, completely thinking their daughter would be worked with, not expecting that the therapist would ask them to participate. The therapist gave mom pretzels and said, "Feed your daughter". Sounds weird, I know, but the mom goes on to explain how much that one simple act, of feeding her daughter pretzels (actually putting them in her mouth, not just handing them to her) improved the bonding between mom and daughter.

I think that is the "weaned child" that I have been looking for. I have been so discouraged over the lack of trust that George has in me...and I have to admit here that maybe I haven't been doing all I could to build that trust. The past year has been about love and forgiveness. Maybe this year is all about building trust.

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