Friday, May 7, 2010

Mother's Day THIS Year

I was sad last year on Mother's Day. I was freshly home with my new son...a son who didn't love his mom at all. Our family was so devastated from the month with George that no one felt like celebrating Mother's Day. I think the oldest two were angry, George was never happy, and the youngest two weren't sure what to feel.

I was exhausted, emotionally and physically. My heart hurt every day and I questioned what we had done to our "perfect" family. I was clinging to a hope that I didn't even totally buy into. Were things really going to get better?

Mother's Day last year found us sitting in church, with a boy I couldn't even stand to look at. Yet, there he sat, unwilling to go into Sunday School and thus planted right next to Dad. George probably didn't want to look at me either. In fact, if my memory serves me correct, after we came home, we were all on the back patio enjoying some warm sunshine when I tried to take a picture of George. For the hundredth time, he turned his back on me and the camera, but then smiled a wide grin when Joe tried to do the same thing. I remember that day I lost it. I stormed up to my room, slammed the door and tore some random piece of paper to shreds. I had to destroy something because I was so devastated by the complete rejection I was going through. Mother's Day last year was a bad day.

Yesterday, George ran up the driveway after school saying he wanted to show me something he wrote in school. Isabel tried to look, but he adamantly insisted that Momma be the only one to see it. He wrote, "I love my mom and I love my dad and I love me." At the top of the page, he drew a picture of himself, Joe and me - and Gunnar. What surprised me the most was how he drew himself and me to look so much alike. We look nearly the same in the picture, while Joe clearly looks different. I asked him about this and he said, "I look like you, Momma. We both have black hair."

Oh, how my heart swelled as I looked at my son, who know stares at me, smiles for me, and always wants a hug from me. My son who says we look alike. My son who now writes about his love for me...and for himself!

Lord, thank you for not letting me give up and quit on Mother's Day last year! Thank you for continuing to pour out so much love into my heart that the only response I had was to love YOUR child. God, you knew I could not do this past year on my own. And you knew that this son would drive me closer to YOU. And You knew it would get better, if I would simply be obedient to You and LOVE this child with a self-less, unconditional love. I thank you for the hard year...I am not the same woman. And I thank you for my son. Amen.

1 comment:

Jamie said...

So beautiful! We're looking forward to getting together tonight!