Monday, May 17, 2010

A Holy Discontent

Joe and I are feeling that holy discontent again.

We felt it about two years ago in August. We ended up coming home from a vacation having made the decision to adopt. We have no vacations planned this year, but that holy discontent is back again.

What is a holy discontent? Well, it is different than simply being discontent with our circumstances or our surroundings. And while it is hard to believe, we are not discontent with our life right now. Despite living close to the poverty level for a family our size, and not owning a home, and not sure if our new business will ever take off, we are living in peace.

If you would have told me two years ago that the holy discontent we were experiencing would lead to how we are living today, I would have ran screaming the other direction holding my hands up to my ears. I had hoped to be in a large, beautiful home by now...filled with new furniture, my kids with braces on their teeth and each with their own laptop. I would have upgraded my mini-van to a new SUV of some sort, and Joe would be continuing to toil for "The Man". But, we would have good insurance...and we would have never even known what ring worm looks like!

But, no, God took our holy discontent and totally changed us.

According to Bill Hybels, holy discontent is whether it is social injustice, AIDS, bad preaching, or wrecked marriages, what breaks the heart of someone who loves God most likely breaks God’s heart too—and it is often these “firestorms of frustration” that God will use to enlist you in setting what is wrong in this world right!

Joe and I are feeling a firestorm of frustration!

We sing a song at church that has these words:

Heal my heart and make it clean
Open up my eyes to the things unseen
Show me how to love like you have loved me

Break my heart for what breaks yours
Everything I am for your kingdom's cause
As I go from here to Eternity

Every time I sing these words...well...I can't actually sing them because my heart is literally breaking in two. And all I can do is cry. I believe the Holy Spirit in me turned some of my moaning and turned them into this prayer before God. And God answered.

I long for my heart to be made clean and that I would see people the way God sees them...and most importantly that I would learn how to truly love. God has given me a year of this lesson! And I praise God for that!

Then, I long for my heart to break when I see something that breaks God's heart. It is as if I am now living with the scales off my eyes. When I asked God for this, He answered. And He has shown me what is breaking His heart.

The fatherless is breaking His heart!!! The orphan crying in his bed. The fatherless girl being trafficked for sex. The starving children. The beaten children. The street kids. I can no longer act like I don't know these things exist. I have seen it. I have lived it.

And now, this holy discontent is back. Joe and I don't know exactly what this means. But, we do know God is laying a foundation for something else.

1 comment:

LisaMarie said...

I respond the same way to that verse in Hosanna! I could have written this post..straight out of my heart, Tracie! You are a kindred spirit!