Monday, April 26, 2010

Anniversary Emotions

This time of year should find us always thinking back to 2009. And from what I have gained from the orphanage, George was dropped off at the orphanage this time of year in 2007. While this time of year brings renewal and life, it also reminds my son of abandonment and pain.

Experts say our adopted children will experience emotions, even subconsciously, over these anniversaries. My heart breaks thinking that George will spend spring-time reliving the shock to his system when his Africa-Mommy left him behind in a strange place. I can't even begin to understand that level of betrayal.

We thought we were making it through this time relatively well. We had a great weekend and George was very happy. Today, he ran out of the car his usual way...saying "I love you" and then slamming the door before running full speed into the school building. Nothing seemed wrong.

And then I got an email from his teacher. Teeth grinding. Threatening to hurt a class pet. Both are things I have never witnessed in George. And they surprised his teacher, too.

This is where things get so confusing. Is this behavior a hurting boy acting out the pain and abandonment he felt? Or is this a typical 7 year old boy who sometimes does things that would be considered out of character? I just don't know.

But, the email reminded me to pray. Sounds really bad that I needed a reminder, huh? The good news is that he has become so much a part of my life that I don't spend hours a day crying out to God over my relationship with him. The bad new is that I don't spend hours a day crying out to God over my relationship with him. So today I stopped everything and I prayed. And in that prayer time I recommitted this child to God, acknowledging that I can't even begin to parent him with out God in my life.

I'm not totally sure what is going on, or what happened today at school. But I am anxious for Georgie to get home so I can give him a big hug, help him with his homework, and then listen as he talks incessantly to me as I cook dinner - probably about shoes or cars or car shoes. Either way, I am looking forward to just being with my son today.

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