Tuesday, March 16, 2010

It's Fun To Get There

Things have really changed. I can't put my finger on the exact moment or the day, but something has certainly changed around our home. George has really settled in.

I wish this would have happened 11 months ago. Or at least, 9 months ago. But the reality is, it didn't really happen until around 1 month ago. Maybe it was George's birthday? Or maybe it was because we passed that anniversary of George being dropped off at the orphanage? Or maybe it is simply time.

I have learned so much over the past 11 months; I have grown more than I thought was possible at my age. I have been humbled, yet have experienced the love of God so deeply. I have been broken, yet have felt whole for the first time in my life. I have been depressed, yet have never felt more at peace. Only a life with God can bring those oxymoron's into complete harmony. And...adoption.

At breakfast yesterday, it was George and Isabel and I sitting at the table. Isabel suddenly said to me, "George is getting so handsome."

"Yes! I agree!"

But later, Joe and I were talking about this. George's physical appearance hasn't changed. Maybe he holds his head a little higher now. Maybe he makes eye contact more now. And he definitely has "fattened" up a big. But, generally, this is still the same boy we brought home 11 months ago. So, he has not changed.

What has changed is OUR HEARTS.....finally. I am sorry that I didn't feel this right away, but I have to be totally honest. I had a hard time even looking at George in the beginning. He has hurt me so badly, and when he looked at me, he had scorn in his eyes. So, as a result, I avoided looking at him as much as I could. I would tend to his needs, but I never stared at him the way moms do. When people would say, "Oh, he is so handsome," my reply was always, "Really? I don't see it."

But now, I stare into those gorgeous almond-shaped eyes. I smile every time I see his dimple pop out. I marvel at the beautiful shade of chocolate of his skin and think my skin is so pale in comparison. I play with his hair, stroke his face, and hold his hand...simply because I love him.

It was a journey, wasn't it? But it is fun to now see the proverbial light at the end of the tunnel.


Rbarrow said...

I am smiling from ear to ear!

milreb said...

So glad you are able to exhale as a mom and as a family a bit. So well said about the polar opposite emotions God makes sense out of, and how adoption puts them right there infront of your face each day. George is a hunk! :)