Friday, February 26, 2010

Making Decisions

A lot of our conversations with George these days revolve around making decisions. We are trying to urge him to think through something before he does it or says it; is that a good choice or a bad choice? During these times, I see such a fierce internal struggle inside George. Sometimes he just doesn't want to do what is right, it goes against his entire survival mode. Sometimes the right choice means trusting me or putting someone else first; both of which are foreign to a little boy trained to make it.

I realize now why we picked up a very healthy boy. He thinks of himself. I am sure he was the first to the dinner table and the first to get seconds and the first to finish all his food. I am sure he fought for his place and for his protection. That survival instinct is what enabled him to survive in poverty and dire situations.

And now, we are trying to convince him to not be so fierce. Trust us. We are going to do what is good and best for you. And in return, we expect you to make the right choices.

And again, this life I am living points exactly to my relationship with God. I am struggling to trust Him these days. I am all about "self"; self preservation, self reliance, self-ish ness. God says, just trust me, I am going to do what is good and best for you and in return, I ask that you make the right choices.

Frankly, some days I don't want to make the right choice. And I see George fighting with himself about the same thing; some times he simply does not want to make the right choice.

This morning, George wanted tortilla chips for breakfast, and he wanted to carry the entire bag into the living room as he played wii (they have a day off school). I said no. I told him he needed to eat a "real" breakfast at the table. George was so, so mad. He stopmed off (and this is very typical, he still struggles greatly right now with being told no!) and muttered something mean under his breath. I stopped him and said, "You have a choice to make right now. I am more than willing to get you breakfast, or you can throw a tantrum and have no breakfast this morning."

That boy walked around the kitchen for about 15 minutes with a scowl on his face. And I could see the wheels spinning in his head; should he fight for what he wants (tortilla chips) or will he give in to Mom and take the hot breakfast made for him. He fought and fought this internal battle...and then finally, he came to me and said, "Can I have a hot breakfast please?" He gave in. I praised him for making the right choice.

And I saw myself there. The internal battles I have to make right choices; be in the Word, refuse to gossip, treat my children with love and forgiveness, always honor my husband. They seem like easy choices, just like the choice George had to make, but my sinful nature seems to always make challenges out of the little decisions.

No comments: