Thursday, February 11, 2010

Emptiness

We are coming up on the year mark and I have been anticipating it and dreading it at the same time. I am looking forward to putting this first year behind us, after all, so many people said that the year mark is monumental. But, I have also been dreading it because adoption books and counselors all talk about the possibility of great grief coming out at this point. Consciously or subconsciously, George will remember leaving everything he has ever known and changing his life forever.

I looked back at my old posts from early 2009, trying to remember those important dates. It is interesting to me that I have not memorized the dates of our passing court or the exact date we left for Ethiopia. Does that say anything about my experience? I'm not sure, because I tend to be very relaxed about birth dates and other "important" dates. Maybe this is just who I am.

So, I started in February, knowing it was in this month last year that we had our first court date. I realized it was toward the end of February and I read through the painful posts of a mom who desperately wanted her son home. I was devastated when we didn't pass court the first time and had every emotion ranging from anger to questions to sadness. Looking back now, there is no doubt that God's timing was perfect. We needed to wait a few more weeks.

We finally did pass court in mid-March. At that point, George was moved up to Addis Ababa and became fully aware of us and the upcoming adoption. For the second time in his short life, his whole world was turned upside down. For the first time, he rode in a car. He saw TV, had nannies caring for him, slept in a room with 12 other boys and found himself being told a new mom and a new dad were coming to take him to America.

It was about this time that I asked some friends to pray for us. This was one of the responses to my request. As I stumbled upon this letter as I looked back in my blog, I was stopped cold in my tracks. Emptiness. Holy Discontent. Love. All the words in this letter spoke to me then, but let me tell you, they speak even louder to me now, 10 months after bringing George home.


Yes, it would be an honor to intercede for you and your Whole family. I will be praying for an emptiness as you travel that only the Spirit will fill and will overflow to George. I pray that you will love all your children from the “overflow” that only the Holy Spirit will provide. It will be only from that overflow that you will be able to truly love your children that God has given you. I pray that the sense of calling that you feel, that sense that has created a discontent in your hearts, that has stirred it into action will be filled to overflow through George. God has created that Holy Discontent that has moved you to do what you have done to the extent that you are doing it to love with a greater love than you realize. It will be that overflow of love from Him, that will gather your family together as you stand in awe of what a Great God we serve.

Having been to Tanzania last year, and planning to go again, this time helping at an orphanage, I have been thinking of you and your husband, and praying for you. To say the needs are great is an understatement. You will find those days as you referred to that will be so tough that only His sense of “calling” will sustain you. Know that His “calling” WILL sustain you.God owns it all and we are just the managers. I believe He will take your faith and stretch it beyond imagination as He provides in ways that will have you standing in tears of amazement. I pray that for you and your family.

I pray that your bio kids would see a love and faith in their parents through this experience that it would mark them for the rest of their lives and would impact the legacy on your family for generations.

Scripture talks of generational sins. I believe it also speaks of generational blessings. Your sacrificial love will have ripple effects in your family and friends that will outnumber the ripples on the quiet water after throwing a rock into it.“The Lord bless you and keep you; the Lord make His face shine upon you and be gracious to you; the Lord turn His face toward you and give you peace.”

I think I need to mediate on these words some more, as each part speaks to something we have gone through over the last ten months. Oh, how I need to know that love!

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