Sunday, January 17, 2010

A Weekend of Highs and Lows

Another Sunday night and another night finding me grateful that we made it through the weekend. George got sick again. He seems to always get sick on Friday nights. On Saturday, his fever had reached a high of 103.7, right at the point where I debated piling him into the car and finding a doctor. But, as typical with me, I avoid the doctor's office at almost all costs :) I did the double care of Tylenol and Motrin and then used warm mullein garlic oil in his ears (he had complained his ears hurt).

Saturday night, we all gathered at the dinner table with one person missing; George was lying on the couch drifting in and out of sleep. Joe said, "This just isn't right anymore - we are missing one of our own."

Over night on Saturday, I had a hard time sleeping. I was worried about his very high fever and listened as he cried out in pain all night long. Twice I woke to give him more medicine and he would ask if I would stay with him. I wanted to stay.

I know it is hard to understand for some and it may look ugly on the page, but it is finally starting to feel real. Our love is real for our son.

We held him tight for a lot of the weekend and he was feeling much better by Sunday morning. At one point, Lincoln said something very hurtful to George. He said, "I want you to go back to Africa."

George came to me, pointed to his heart and said, "Lincoln's words hurt me here."

My heart broke for George and we had a great opportunity to talk about forgiveness - yea!

George and I were then messing around on the computer when he asked to look at some pictures. As I was scrolling through my photo gallery, George stopped me and said, "That one! Can I see that one."

I pulled it up. It was one of the first photos I was given of George. He has no front teeth, very chubby cheeks and a huge smile. He was dressed in a dapper denim suit and smiled from ear to ear. Standing beside him was a girl, beautiful and dressed with a lovely natella draped around her shoulders. I never knew who that girl was and honestly, I had forgotten about it as I received a dozen more pictures over our waiting time.

Then I heard George say, "That's my Momma."

My heart sank. What do I say? What do I do? I told George how beautiful I thought his mother was. Then I told George that she really loved him. I realized this picture was taken the day he was dropped off at the orphanage. Did he have any idea what was about to happen when he took that picture, smiling ear to ear with his mother? His mother dressed him in the finest clothes she could put on him and he truly looked happy.

All George said next was, "I want to show Daddy."

As soon as Joe walked in the door, George ran to him and said, "I want you to see picture."

I pulled it up and George said simply again, "That's my Momma."

And then he collapsed to the hard wood floor and sobbed. For the first time since he has been with us he cried over his mother. I peeled him off the floor and cradled him in my lap and he just cried and cried. I cried with him.

I told him over and over again how much his mother loves him.

Inside, I was falling apart and I am not sure if I am even close to dealing with this. We had come so far over the last two months! So much affection between us and so much love. I am afraid that all that work is gone. At one point, George said that I was not his momma. His momma was in Africa.

And he is right.

What love of two mothers is now colliding in his heart! A mother, young and sweet looking who made her son injera every day; a mother who sacrificed her relationship with him to give him the opportunity for a better life. A second mother, much older, a little gray and mother to five children; a mother who desperately wants to love this little boy.

The only thing I can do is cry out to God again, who sees us all; Lord, thank you for providing a way to our son. Thank you for a beautiful Ethiopian mother who gave us this gift. Be with her Lord, give her peace that her son is loved and cared for. Be with George, a boy who has suffered well beyond his years; give him peace and comfort tonight. May he know how much he is loved. And Lord, heal my broken heart tonight. Thank you for teaching me how to love George, just in time to help him through this time. Lord, I pray that George will love me and that I can be his forever Momma.


Brooke said...

Tears streaming down my thankful that George has a Momma who loves him so much! I too pray for his other mom. That she may know and feel peace in her heart, and know that George is in a wonderful family!

V said...

thanks for your honesty...praying for you all

Jamie said...

I admire and look to your family as inspiration and guidance. We will be praying for you all!