Saturday, January 2, 2010

The Promise

This week, George and I had a lot of time to just be together. No school. Very cold temperatures. Joe was out of town. The other kids are happily playing wii. So, George and I would look at each other and decide to just hang out.

George is always touching me in these hang out sessions. He is either laying his head on my shoulder or he is wrapping his skinny little arms around me or he is simply reaching out to touch my hand. George is craving affection and he just can't get enough.

We were snuggled on the couch late at night, waiting for Joe to get home from the airport when George looked up and me and said, "You promise, Momma, to always be here with Georgie." It wasn't a question. It was a statement. You stay here and promise to never leave me. I promised.

I can't help but wonder if THIS was the boy we would have picked up in Addis, how our summer might have been so different! My world was turned upside down when George refused to touch me and look at me, let alone love me! It was such a hard path. But, look at what I have learned.

I had a clear message about how we love God and how He loves us. That love is different! We love God with a conditional love - we can't help it- we are sinful humans. "If you do this for me, God, I will love you so much!" But God just loves us, no matter what we do or what we don't do. He loves because He IS love. I knew that, intellectually. I could agree to that statement, nodding my head in church as if I truly understood that. But, I didn't.

I don't know if I would have ever truly learned that lesson without George and how we began. God accomplished so many thing when we brought George into our family! Trust me, every Weldie in this house is in the process of being refined because of this adoption. We ALL needed it and we are ALL thankful that we are walking this hard road together. Not one of us has been untouched in this experience. I have written, at length, of my struggles and lessons. But, my children have been touched greatly as well! They have dropped all racists thoughts. They have a sensitivity to Africa. They long to see orphans adopted. They understand hunger...real hunger. They, too, have learned how to chose to love someone. They have learned that God's love can cover ALL. They will never be the same because of George. I am so thankful that my children will be different!

It is amazing how we have come out of this season! I used to ask myself if I would ever feel normal again or if I could really love George. I am back to normal! I DO love my son! Yes, we still have such a long road ahead of us and now my concerns move to education and comprehension and social gains rather than discipline and behavior. But, isn't that life as parents? All our children cause us to stretch and grow because of the different stages they are going through. (Believe me...I will have a teenager in a few days and I already see the rough waters for the next several years with her!)

George has been asking me over and over this week if he can be a baby. A few times this break, we have let the kids stay up late. On two occasions, George and Lincoln fell asleep on the couch. Both times, Joe and I carried the boys into their beds. I can't even begin to tell you how much this has meant to George! Something so simple, that all parents do, yet he has never experienced a parent lovingly scooping up a sleepy child and lying him in his bed. Amazing! He says every morning, "Can I sleep on couch you Momma carry me to bed?"

He also has become heartbroken over baby pictures. When his classmates are the "Star student" of the week, they always bring in a baby picture. George is now asking me, "Why couldn't you be my Momma? I want to go back to be a baby and be in your belly." He sees a picture of each of the four bio kids, the day of their birth being held tightly by a smiling momma. George will NEVER have that picture. My heart breaks, too. I don't know how to fix this one.

When George gets sad, I make another promise to him. George, I will ALWAYS be your Momma. And I will NEVER leave you.

No comments: