Tuesday, January 12, 2010

The Long Road to Security

I am reminded, again, of how far George has to come before feeling secure. George is like a jealous toddler at times...most times. He can't stand any of his siblings sitting close to me, talking to me, going anywhere with me. We go through this insane ritual almost every night.

The kids are spaced out on the couches...I finish cleaning up the kitchen and come in the living room to join the family. I chose a seat that is open. George is usually standing, waiting, stalking me from the kitchen into the living room. After I sit, he will cry a little, then try to squeeze himself into any possible spot that any child can cram a body into. If he can't fit, he throws himself onto my lap.

Time for bed, we go through another similar ritual. Joe and I always take the boys into their room together. We tuck them in, pray with them. George acts angry, cries a bit under his comforter, and then grabs me for a huge hug and won't let go....at all. I usually fall over, try to wrangle myself loose and then kiss him on the cheek to say goodnight. I go to Lincoln and we quickly hug and kiss. Then I hear this, "You always hug Lincoln." This is said in an accusatory tone - not a nice observation, more like a betrayed boyfriend.

I know why George goes through this, he has been so deeply hurt that it is just not possible for him to feel secure. Yet. My prayer is that after months of stability and commitment and love, George will finally get to a point where he does not get jealous of his siblings, but understands that I love all my children!

So, what pops into my head when I think of this jealous boy is how God says He is a jealous God. He doesn't want me to put myself into a place where He has to squeeze himself in. And He surely doesn't want to see me embrace any thin else. I have never felt this obsession before, none of my children have been THIS jealous or THIS insecure. And this obsession that George has probably pales in comparison to the jealousy God feels when I turn to something else in my life to bring comfort or security. I serve a God who desperately wants to be in communion with me, so much that He made a huge sacrifice! This jealous God wants me attention, my energy, my all.

Yet again, little Georgie is teaching me about God's character. May I now pursue God they way George pursues me...and the way God has pursued me. What love!


Rbarrow said...

Wow....thanks for the encouragement through your life experience! Thank you Lord for George! What a gift in so many ways!

V said...

Just came across you blog and absolutely love your posts :) We are in the process of adopting from Ethiopia as well!