Friday, January 1, 2010

2009 In Review

Where do I even begin? I was up a lot last night, running through the track in my mind that recalled my life in 2009. The changes have been immense: failing court and then passing court in Ethiopia, putting two of the kids in public school while still homeschooling Eleanor, picking up a part time job with a realtor, spending 10 days in Ethiopia with missionaries, adopting an older, relinquished child from Ethiopia, selling our house for full asking price, not being able to find a house to buy, renting in the country, putting the four older children into public school, Joe quit his job at CAT, Joe purchases a business and goes into business for himself, begin working on a foster care ministry at church. I think that is about all the major stuff. Oh, yea, and we got a full-blooded, huge German Shepherd!

All of those things have resulted in ONE change in my life; humility. This year, God took the opportunity to break some of my sinful nature. He has showed me repeatedly this year how little control I have and instead, how incredibly sovereign He is. This year I have cried more than ever, I have pleaded with God more than ever, I have prayed with my husband more than ever, I have not wanted to get out of bed more than ever, I have never been more broken....and....I have never felt closer to God.

I read Oswald Chambers yesterday (and I read the wrong day, but it ended up being just "the right" day). He said when God is refining us and wants to use us, He often breaks down those areas that we thought were our natural strengths. All to cause us to give God all the glory in the things we are able to participate in. He has broken my pride this year. I praise Him for that. I used to shudder as I read various Proverbs that say how God detests pride. I prayed He would take it away.

He did. Through a very hard year He has showed me I have nothing to take pride in. This is a good thing, there is no self-pity here, for that would be prideful! I am grateful. But it is definitely not the year I was expecting.

Before bed, Joe and I spent time on our knees praying to God about where we have been and where we hope to go. Our prayer was so simple, "Can you bless us with a little success with the business? Can you find a way to provide us with a house to buy?" I spent many wakeful hours in the middle of the night thinking through the year, and I have to admit that part of me is so scared of what 2010 holds for our family. Joe and I agree that God is not "done" with us yet, He is still doing a work in our lives to prepare us for something. And I am afraid of what that means. Sometimes I think I just can't do this anymore...it is too hard. I didn't sleep much.

Joe let me sleep in today and he made the coffee and took care of the kids. When I woke up, there was my Bible open and sitting on the kitchen table. "Read Jeremiah 29:11."

"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."

I have read this before, it is underlined in my Bible. But today, it meant so much more than ever before. Joe said, "This is our verse for the year." I will set my foundation on this verse! God has a plan to give me hope...that is really all I need right now, a little hope! And there it is, in black and white, God knows what He is doing and it includes giving me that much needed hope.

We will look back someday and recall how 2009 was a pivotal point in our lives. Right now, it is a little painful to think of how much we have gone through. I am glad 2009 has come to a close and now I have hope for 2010.

Happy New Year!

1 comment:

psalm20v4 said...

Hi Traci,
Enjoyed your post today. I can identify in so many ways. 2009 has been a wonderfully awful and refining year for us as well. Funny thing though...God laid the very same verse on my heart this morning.

Happy New Year, friend. Love you guys.

Heather Lee