Monday, October 5, 2009

About The Video

I came home from Ethiopia in late April. It is now early October. Last week was the first time I was ready to make a video about George. I couldn't even look at the pictures I took in Africa until a short time ago. The trip was simultaneously glorious and painful.

We met amazing people living out their faith every day of their lives. We met people who have to pray their way through a day simply because it is the 4th day in a row without electricity or their car broke down and if you don't know how to fix it yourself, you are out of a car. I read journals of missionaries who were stuck in rushing rivers, praying their way out. I listened to a man who ministers to ONE converted man who then goes into his nomadic tribe and preaches. I watched as people handed out food to starving people on a regular basis, always keeping some extra bread in their car. Seeing those things, changed me.

At the same time, I had never been more broken before in my life. I had never felt such rejection.

But, look at how far God has brought us in such a short amount of time! As I put the video together, I smiled and enjoyed looking at the pictures. In fact, that video has been playing almost non-stop in my house, as all five kids enjoy seeing it over and over again. George was especially excited to see it. I wondered what he would think or say about the pictures of us in Ethiopia together.

He actually got really happy and squealed, "Momma and Daddy in Africa with Georgie!!"

Part of me was hoping he would remember the way he treated me and say, "I am so sorry Momma." But that didn't happen...not in the least. Instead he looks at those pictures and has great memories of us picking him up. It is as if he doesn't even remember the way he treated me.

So, why do I want him to feel bad about it? Frankly, that is incredibly selfish...and I know it. I was raised in a home where forgiveness was abundant. If I did something wrong, it was forgiven and forgotten. Never did I hear something a month or a year later about something I did, as if my parents wanted to hurt me. And that models the forgiveness of our heavenly father who throws our sin as far as the east is to the west. I remember reading Psalm 113 and meditating on "He does not treat us as our sin deserves". Truth. God does not treat us the way we deserve to be treated. Especially when it comes to how we treat Him...if we return and say "thank you for picking me up out of the mud", He doesn't say, "But...you pouted at me."

God's love and forgiveness amazes me! His love is so deep and so wide and so long...we can't even begin to grasp the scope of His love for us. And yet, He is holy. So holy that He can't even be in the presence of sin. So, instead of being content with that separation, He provided a way for us to get to Him in His son Jesus. What should be my response to that love? Unconditional love and forgiveness for one little boy.

I will love. I will forgive.

I see a boy who needs a mommy now. He has become my shadow when he is home. Yesterday, I took my mom-deserved Sunday afternoon nap, and George curled up right beside me on my bed. At one point, I stirred a little and opened my eyes to find his face, propped up on his fists. His eyes were now closed, as he had fallen asleep, but obviously he had been just staring at me. George does that a lot now...just stares. It is as if all those loving stares between momma and baby need to be duplicated now between myself and George. He needs to stare at him mom, memorizing every wrinkle, every feature...to KNOW that crooked mouth and to be able to pick out the exact color of my eyes.

He is jealous now. If any of the other children sit close to me, George gets very jealous. He wants to hold my hand every time we are in a public place together. He is making so much progress.

THIS is the child I longed for in Ethiopia! I refuse to look back any more. I NOW have a child who longs to be with me and know me. I will love him until he gets his fill.

1 comment:

Sarah Dawn said...

Delighted to meet you sweet one. As we begin our Ethiopian adoption journey, my heart is encouraged by reading through your posts.

Blessings to you from this mommy,
Sarah Dawn