Monday, September 21, 2009

A Good Weekend

I realized I as typed in the title of this post, that I have used this title before! I guess it goes to show how up and down the adoption process is. After a terrible weekend, we bounced back with a good one this time. Praise God that we still keeping trudging forward.

At one point, yesterday, I realized that George has become my shadow of late. I don't know if it is going to school, or that he is starting to really bond with me. It is probably a combination of both. But, George is on my hip whenever we are home at the same time. There are so many ways that I see George wanting to just be a toddler, despite his age, around his mommy. Where there was no desire for physical affection when we picked him up, George now seems to be in constant need of touch.

Every morning we read the Bible. And every morning, George wants to sit on my lap during that time. At night, when it is time to read books on the boys' beds, George now drapes his whole body over mine (sometimes making it difficult to turn the pages :)). When we are out in public, George reaches out to hold my hand.

Yesterday, it was a beautiful September afternoon, so I decided to pull out this huge blanket and lay it on a sunny spot in the front yard. I grabbed a pillow from the deck chairs, and very happily laid down to honor the Sabbath. Before I could completely get comfortable, George ditched out on his soccer game with his sister and ran to lay right beside me. We talked for a while and then slowly the conversation waned..and then George wrapped his arm around me and closed his eyes to drift off into sleep. I looked at his face and saw a boy with contentment and peace. I don't think I have seen that before on his face.

George now asks me a lot if I had seen him when he was a baby. I answer no, that the first time I saw him was when we came to pick him up. He says he wishes I could have seen him as a baby. I don't know exactly what he means, but I wonder if he wishes that I would have been there...and it is now time for us to recreate some of those mommy/son bonding moments.

I will not lie...sometimes it is just awkward to have a 6 year old wanting to be cradled like a baby. But, each moment we have together just cements our relationship with each other, so I never turn him away.

We still have moments that just boggle my mind....behavior that rears it's ugly head out of the blue....and defensive walls popping up suddenly...but I see such progress! I used to doubt that I could ever love this child the way I love my bio I believe that day will come. Until then, I am grateful for how far we have come in learning how to love each other. And it really is both of us learning. I can't forget that I am a mommy who probably does things totally different than his birth mommy. I probably play with his hair different (which I am constantly twisting into locks), I know I cook differently, I say prayers differently when I tuck him into bed. He has had to learn that this very pale-faced mommy really does love him, even when everything she does is so different than what he has known before.

Adoption is a wonderful thing! I will never be the same...I am forever changed from the lessons of the past year. And I have learned how desperately I want the orphans of the world to be cared for.

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