Wednesday, August 26, 2009

Writing About Love

I have been asked to share "my story" at a women's conference coming up in October. Despite the fact that I blab my entire life here on the blog, I was very hesitant to do it. I was asked to share how an event changed me life, namely how attending Harvest Fest (a missions festival at our church) caused us to adopt. I wrote one testimony...but it just didn't sit right. I felt like God had a greater message to the women attending the conference. He said, "It's not about the adoption. It's about obedience and the love that is perfected through that obedience."

So, I scrapped the first testimony and began writing a second one, this time focusing on God's love and what I have learned about that love through the adoption. During the writing, I found something peculiar happening. I didn't want to write anything negative about George...I started thinking about how he would feel about his mom saying how difficult it was in the beginning, how he might be hurt or embarrassed. My heart broke thinking of how he might feel some day hearing about his behavior early on.

It's not his fault for the way he acted. But, while I was in the midst of the daily tantrums and the constant "no", all I could do was blame him! I accused him of being so selfish and so bad...looking back, that makes me very sad. I always thought I would turn these writings into a book, that other new adoptive moms and dads could read, in order to prepare for adopting an older child. But now I wonder if I ever will....I don't want my son to be hurt when he can read someday.

My prayer now is that this testimony, which will be filmed tomorrow, will be NOTHING about me or George or the adoption...but instead will point women to the immense, sacrificial and amazing love of God.


Heather Lee said...

Praying for you Tracie as you give that testimony tomorrow. I think you are so right to consider how George might feel about what you've said later on when he can understand it. A mother protects, and George is so blessed to finally have a mom to love and protect him who is committed to loving him even when he is unlovable. Just like Jesus does for all of us. That's the testimony and it IS powerful. So glad I get to call you friend.

Stephanie said...

Ah bummer. I was going to ask when and where you would be speaking - hoping to maybe come, meet you and hear your story. But I'm too late... Hope it went well, that God was glorified and the women HEARD what they needed to!