Tuesday, August 18, 2009

Falling Back

I should have known it was coming, and I probably was secretly waiting for it. The problem is that it always catches me unaware. I am talking about another meltdown, or another two steps back. The frustrating thing is that I just don't remember reading about this trend, nor did I answer questions about it on the national adoption test I had to take. Does this only happen to us?

Things were going great! On our weekly prayer walk, Joe and I were so full of praise of the progress that had been made over that week. Does the enemy just hang around and listen in on our prayers? Well, I do know that the Bible says that Satan prowls the earth, roaming it back and forth looking for someone to devour. Doesn't that just put a chill in your bones? We have a very real enemy who wants nothing more than to destroy you. But for many of us, he just wants to discourage us, or maybe render us complacent...as long as we are not being light in a dark world, that is what matters to him. I could write a lot on this subject! I have family members who claim to be Christians but are "uncomfortable" to talk about Jesus. I have a question....what are you going to do in Heaven when all we do is worship Jesus? Are you going to be uncomfortable to say his name then? I have family members who have recently claimed there is no God. I have a question....who created you? Who created the universe? Who holds all things together? Were you around when all this happened?

OK - enough tangent. I apologize for offending anyone. Wait, no, I don't apologize. If you were uncomfortable with what I just wrote, maybe you need some time to think about your answers.

Can you tell I have some pent up frustrations about this? HA! Seriously though, I love all of my family and I long for them to know the peace and the love and the forgiveness and the mercy and the grace that I know because of knowing Christ! Life became that much better when I decided to sell out for Jesus. Of course, some think I am a bit of a freak, wanting to always talk about Jesus and what He has done in my life...but my whole life revolves around Jesus! I mean whether I am walking closely, hand in hand or whether I am trying to walk the other way, it all about Jesus. He is the center point of my life and EVERYTHING centers around my relationship with Him.

This is not to say that life is rosy, honkey-dorey, no problems and I am now Pollyanna. Not at all! But LIFE IS BETTER. Joe and I were on a date last weekend and rode his motorcycle up to a small town in central WI. We walked into an Amish run store and found this amazing wood sign that brought us both to tears. We decided right then and there that we wanted this sign in our house and that our children needed to know this is how we lived our lives. It was about being a Christian....and how being a Christian does not mean you are perfect, but instead means you know you are a sinner in need of a savior. On and on this sign goes (it's really big and there was no way to bring it home on the motorcycle), convicting us and reminding us that our witness needs to be about our brokenness not our "perfection".

I am broken...I make mistakes...I fail people...I sin daily....but at the end of the day I know my savior died for me, to make me clean before God. How can I not live a life that talks about this amazing love every day? It is so easy to let days go by where I just "go through the motions" of a Christian life! Sure, I attended church on Sunday, I listen to some Christian songs now and then, I'm nice to my kids and I make sure my husbands underwear are clean. Isn't that good enough? I am here to remind myself that is not enough!

I was talking with my neighbor yesterday when I heard her say, "All roads lead to the same God"...you know that wonderful argument that propagates American thinking these days. Don't question the Muslim or the Buddhist or the Agnostic...we're all on a path leading to the same place, it's just that there are several paths to chose from. I am here to ask, if that is true, why did Jesus die for us? Mohamed didn't sacrifice his life for us. Buddha didn't sacrifice his life for us. Why did Jesus, who all agree was this "great teacher" and "good man", die for a people that totally rejected him and cried out for his Crucifixion? Wouldn't he at some point say, "Ok - forget this! I really don't mean that I am the son of God. This is crazy! Get me out of here!"? But, he didn't! He stayed on that cross, an excruciating death! He could have called down legions of angels to rescue him, but he didn't. He stayed on that cross until "it" was finished. What was "it"? The complete covering of MY sin, so one day I can stand before God totally guilty and filthy with my sin, waiting to hear "CONDEMNED" only to hear "Wait. This one is mine. I paid the price for her sin."

How can we not talk about this? How can we only live a life that pseudo-worships on Sunday mornings? How can we conveniently brush our sin under the rug?

So, this started out as a post to tell you about how George fell back last night, how he screamed in his room until he fell on the floor exhausted, how Joe and I sat in the living room exacerbated. But, instead, I am reminded of how much Christ loves me. He loves enough to die. And, He calls us to exercise that same love! The road comes full circle again and Jesus gently reminds me to lift that boy off the floor, cradle him in my arms, whisper "it's Ok" in his ear, and then stand him on his feet and watch him go, knowing he is fully loved by his parents.

It is the least I can do! I have a savior who stayed on a cross for me. All He is asking me to do is love a little boy who has never known this kind of love.

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