Saturday, August 29, 2009

Everybody Hurt Georgie

As I sit down to write this evening, my heart is breaking and I can't seem to stop the tears from flowing down my cheeks. Joe and I have known something has been going on with George for a few days now. Suddenly, George would become very quiet, often going into his room to be alone. We couldn't make him smile or laugh and we just didn't know what to say to him.

Tonight, the dam was broken.

George opened up and told us a lot about life in Africa, and he was very, very sad. George told us about bad men coming to his village with guns. They pointed the guns at everyone. "Georgie very scared." George ran to hide and covered his ears because the guns were very loud.

"The bad men hit Georgie. They hit like this..." and he would smack his eyes and then smack his legs.

"The bad men had sticks and cut people and laugh..." and he would motion across his chest in a slicing motion.

Then George sobbed..."Everybody hurt Georgie."

My heart broke into a million pieces as I saw my son...my son...crying on his bed remembering how so many people have hurt him. Joe and I held him, and we let the tears fall down our cheeks and we both told him that he was safe now, no one would hurt George again.

Then, after a few minutes George said he got in a car with him mom. Then he cried more and said, "Georgie sad about Africa momma...". This is the first time we have heard him talk about his mother. He usually would shake his head "no" whenever we tried to bring her up, almost as if saying he didn't know his mother.


So much is beginning to come out now that we are trusting each other, but I think something even more important is happening; George is starting to love me. As things between George and I have been improving greatly over the last few weeks, he has also been battling in his heart over which momma to love...and I am so sorry that he has to go through this! I know he is starting to really love me...I catch him staring at me and then he will grin ear to ear, and when we hug..they are real strong hugs. And...I am starting to really love him! I stare at him when he is not looking and think what a handsome boy he is and I find myself wanting to touch him, with mother's touches, more and more often. But as George begins to fall in love with one mother, he has to let go of another. The other mommy was there at birth and I have no doubt, cradled him and wiped his tears. Life was very hard for George and I don't know how close he was with him mother, but she was his mother. Now he has a new mother and I can see the battle going on within this very hurt, scared little boy. Is it OK for him to let go of his birth mom and truly trust his forever mom?

After I tucked the kids into bed, I joined Joe in the garage (one of our only places to have peace and quiet) and I started crying....for the first time in 4 months I am so happy about what we have done! For the first time, I am no longer looking back and what we lost or what our family could have been. Instead I am so grateful for bringing George to a safe place and a home where he is loved by so many! But most importantly, I am grateful for what God is teaching me through this little boy.

I see a God who loved Georgebush Lema long before his was even born, and God knew that in 2009, he would join Joe and Traci Weldie in their desire to serve the Lord. God placed these two parties together, not promising it would be easy, but knowing full well that it would all work for good.

I am so grateful for those tough days in the beginning! Without those days in which I was at the end of myself, I would have never learned about the deep, wide and all-encompassing love of Jesus! Without those days, I would not have confronted my sin. Without those days, this night would not be as sweet as it is.

I am hear to say that GOD IS SO FAITHFUL! What His finger points you to, His hand will provide. I can't believe how far we have come in these few four months. Looking back, those hard days seem like a blip on the radar screen.

Oh, I feel like I am just rambling... probably because I am tired and have cried quite a bit tonight, but I knew I needed to get this out. I will try to write about this more eloquently tomorrow. Until then, my soul praises the Lord for what He has done in my life tonight!

5 comments:

Ann Marie said...

Nothing more to say than "hugs from one adoptive mommy to another."

Ann Marie

Stephanie said...

It didn't sound like ramblings at all. It was beautiful and just what I needed to read this morning. Thank you for sharing!

J Studio said...

Yes..... I'm totally selling the map. You can go to my shop. ( jqueenan.etsy.com ) I sell the paintings for the Kolfe Youth Orphanage. Please pass the shop on to your adoption friends. I'm in the process of creating a map of China also.

I love your blog.....

Katy said...

Oh my goodness. I can't help but cry too. That just breaks my heart. Praise the Lord that He has saved Georgie from that life.

Bear Creek Mama said...

Tracie,
Thank you SO MUCH for sharing this. What a beautiful testimony to His faithfulness and I am praising with you. We are so looking forward to these days when we are able to talk with our children about their past in order to help them grow. They are holding on to language quite a long time - but we'll get there - by God's grace.
Blessings!