Tuesday, July 28, 2009

The Father of Lies

Have you ever read This Present Darkness? Or maybe some CS Lewis that describes the spiritual warfare that goes on in our world? I realized last night, as tears streamed down my face while I was cleaning up the dishes after dinner that I am underestimating the attacks of my enemy.

You might nod in agreement if you have read any of those books. I am currently experiencing a demon, named "Liar", squatting on my shoulder constantly whispering....no, make that shouting in my ear. These are some of the lies that have been on a continual repeat through my mind.

"You are not a good mother. Your kids don't love you, they never will. You are too hard on them and anyway, it is too much work to discipline them. So, why not just give up?"

"No one cares about you! You have no friends. Even your husband is tired of hearing your belly-aching! Why not start thinking about giving up on your marriage and for that matter, having any friends."

"George is never going to love you. He is worthless. He is ungrateful. He is rotten to the core. Just give up on him."

"You should have never adopted! Think of what kind of house you could have bought with all that money!! Granite counter tops. Hard wood floors. Lots of land. And all that with no heartache! Give up...."

Ashamedly, I have been entering into battle unarmed. I KNOW there is a battle, yet I still chose to be lazy. Can anyone explain to me how that can possibly happen...still? Haven't I learned?

Joe took one look at me and said it seemed like a dark cloud was just hovering over me. No matter what good things had happened yesterday, I just couldn't seem to be positive, or even muster a smile for Joe when he walked through the door. He said, "Why do you think the enemy is not going to attack you?"

We often talk about the attacks and trials that Joe goes through in the course of a day. We just don't even think about how the enemy attacks me. He has never been able to get into my head before; but I am tired, I am weak and I am broken. And he saw a way in.

It is my fault...I am not arming myself with the word of God each morning. It is time that I take this seriously and not let one day slip by without STARTING it in God's promises.

Yet, all the while, God is continuing to prove faithful to me. During an especially difficult time with George, my mother in law called to offer encouragement. She reminded me to end our challenging times with hugs - and so I did. And I finally taught George how to really hug me. Until yesterday, I was getting this half-hearted, head down, one-armed hug. I stopped him and said, "Nope -not good enough. This is how I want you to hug me." I lifted his head, I wrapped both of his arms around my waist and I told him to squeeze. He giggled and did it. And he held on. That is all we needed to turn things around - to turn my attitude around. A simple hug. I realized I had not taught him how to hug - wow.

Joe and I are convinced that George did not come from this incredibly nurturing, loving mom. For a long while I thought George was mourning the loss of this amazing mother. Now, I believe he doesn't even know what a mother is supposed to look like. George doesn't know that you come to a mother for hugs when you are scared. He doesn't know that you run to tell a mother some exciting news because you know she will be excited with you (even if is about the latest Pokemon card you traded for). He doesn't know that a mother will always forgive, will wipe every tear and will never forget to say "I love you" at the end of the day.

Oh, the learning that is taking place - all around this family. I have such an important job because I am called to be a mother that follows hard after Jesus. Which, in essence, is being Christ to my children. Am I the first "tangible Jesus" that George has ever seen? When I continue to love him and always forgive him, I am giving him something real and concrete that can point to how Jesus loves us and forgives us. If I fail, or if I give up, George does not feel or see the true love of Jesus.

Of course, the enemy does not want George to be loved or to get to know Jesus! Of course, the enemy will come after me. And, of course, I need to silence the father of lies. I know I have said it before, but in the great words of Stryper, "To hell with the devil!"

1 comment:

mhomes said...

I seem to have forgotten this, too, Traci! I have prayed so hard for my children when I can see the devil working overtime in their lives--but I forget that he is shouting negative thoughts into my head when I am weakest--tired, fasting, etc. Thanks for the reminder!!