Friday, May 1, 2009

Living Hour by Hour

Many friends have been calling! Thank God for friends who call just to check in. Even if I don't answer the phone, it means so much to hear a familiar voice just saying "I'm praying for you," and, "Love you friend!".

I wish I could start describing our trip to Africa, for it was an amazing time of great spiritual growth and learning. I am just not there yet. Right now, I check my watch and say to myself, "I can make it until the next hour." Then, I will myself to hang in there, smile at George and sit on the floor to play with him (even if he doesn't want me to).

I do have to report that there is progress day by day! There really is positive change that is happening right before my eyes. There are more smiles and there are even giggles. There is more communication each day and George is now allowing me to give him a little hug (praise God)!

I am worried about my bio kids - they are all affected during this adjustment period and they are all coping in their own way. Harry just sat down and said, "I think I have lost how to look at the bright side of things." Eleanor gets very protective of her natural siblings. Isabel feels responsible for George's behavior. And Lincoln is dealing with having a sibling who acts very much like a spoiled toddler (not unlike some other spoiled toddler we know and love :)) Joe and I are constantly reassuring them that our family will be closer after this period and we will all have a testimony to the grace and mercy of God.

I was especially encouraged by my friend Carole who has "been there, done that". She had such kindness and such compassion in her voice when she told me everything would be OK. I think that is all I needed to hear! Someone to give me an time table of when things will start getting "easier". I know we face a long, long time of adjustments, communication issues - and then once those are dealt with, we have to help heal George from abondonment issues and leaving his life in Africa.

Sometimes, I get very angry at God for leading my down this path. Why would He chose such a hard road for me right now - my life was getting pretty "cushy". A redeemed marriage, wonderful, healthy children, amazing friends. Why did God want to move us out of that comfortable life? I have to laugh out loud! Of course, God would not want me to stay there - what opportunity was there for me to lean on God? In what ways would my character by refined? How would I learn what it means to pray my way through a day - and find comfort in that?

Oh, the lessons I am learning about our God! He IS faithful! He does give me encouragment, love, hope. He uses His people to minister directly to me and He uses a gentle wind to love on me. Never before has God felt so real to me, and for that, I am eternally grateful for this period in time.

By the way... God blessed us greatly by selling our house! 4 weeks on the market, full asking price and no contigencies - how amazing is that? Where are we going? I have no idea - but I am not anxious about that - God will lead us to where He wants us to be. I know that! Until then, we wait. That has suddenly become a much easier thing to do.


Anonymous said...

Traci, how blessed I am to know you and benefit in growth myself from your testimony to God's working in our lives!! I pray for you daily--sometimes moment by moment--and know that He is gently holding each of you in His Almighty Hand. Phil 1:3-6

with much love & prayers, friend!

Katy said...

Your faith and commitment is inspiring. Thank you for sharing your heart. It's such a testimony of Gods mercy and grace. You are in my prayers.