Thursday, April 9, 2009

One Week From Today!

One week. One week! ONE WEEK! I can't believe that we are leaving for Ethiopia in one week :)

I have had many people stop me and ask, "Are you ready?" I honestly don't know how to answer that question. The bunk beds are up, clean sheets are on the bed and clothes are hanging in the closet. But, it just dawned on me that we don't have enough chairs now at the dinning room table...and it really is going to be a tight sqeeze in the van...I'm wondering if we need a booster seat in the van...I have no idea what size shoes to, am I ready?

Again, this is reminscent of being pregnant the third or fourth time. Loved ones would ask if I was ready and I would smile and say, "I guess." I had the crib up and a few packs of diapers ready to go, but beyond that, I had learned that nothing truly prepared a mom for what was about to happen.

The beauty is that each and every child is so different! I was never guaranteed that my biological children would arrive healthy, content and ready to sleep through the night. There were many tough months as Joe and I tried to figure out the personalities of each child. Some liked to be cuddled, some liked sitting in their swing hours on end. Some were ready for solid food early, some spit it out until they were eight months. Some cried loudly, some just whimpered. It was a learning experience each time.

I know it will be somewhat different this time, George is obviously not an infant. But, I am prepared for months of that learning curve. We need to figure each other out - and we need to figure out how he fits into our family. We keep wondering which child will he bond to first? Will he follow after his big brother Harry, wanting to do everything he does? Or will he find comfort playing on the floor with his little brother Lincoln? Or, maybe, he will crawl into the lap of Eleanor and listen to her read him stories. Or...maybe it will be his new twin sister, Isabel, because they will be in the same classes and share birthdays?

I don't know George yet. I am not even going to guess what our lives will be like - I think that is so dangerous. I do love him - maybe. If I am being all-out honest, how can I say I love a child when I don't even know him? What I have to stand on is that God loves this child so much more than I! He will fill my heart with His love for George, and my job is to let that love flow through me into him. That is no different with my bio kids, and that is a lesson I have had to learn over and over again. These are God's children - in no way are these mine. So, I am called to a life of stewardship with these beauties.

My job as a mother is to pray for these children. And to raise them in the fear and knowledge of the Lord. Then, my job is to stay connected to the vine that provides me with enough grace, mercy, love, forgiveness and patience to raise these children. If I have let myself whither a bit, and am not feeding from the source, my patience gets short, my forgiveness is conditional and my love is very selfish. In other words, I get pretty ugly. I know the secret! I know what to do! The challenge is to wake up each day and do it!!

So, I don't know if I am ready for George. There is a lot of trust that is going on here. I am trusting God will work it all out. I am trusting that our parents will do a wonderful job with our kids at home and they won't miss us at all (highly likely!), and I am trusting that a couple of years down the road, Joe and I will look at each other and wonder what life was like without George Weldie.

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