Friday, March 27, 2009

Being Lazy

This post will have nothing to do with adoption; it has every thing to do with my spiritual life over the last week. Only one word can sum it up - lazy!

I hate it when I get this way. I wake up (a little late) and think to myself that I will get into God's word after I get the two kids off to school. We go about our routine, I drive them to school, hurry on home and then walk into a house that needs to be straightened....or I remember that the clothes in the dryer need to go through another cycle (our darn dryer just doesn't work!)....or I hear Lincoln calling to help him with his puzzle. So, I say to myself, again, I will get into the Word after I do just a few things.

I am sure you know where this is going. By the end of the day, I still have done NOTHING to grow my spiritual life. I believe my spiritual life is like a muscle. If I am working on it, it grows and gets stronger. If I don't work on it, it begins to get flabby and useless. This is no time in my life to be getting flabby and useless!

Someone warned me that the enemy would be on the attack. I kind of laughed to myself and thought, "Over one little kid in Ethiopia? Yea, right. He has bigger things to do!" But that was very niave of me. Satan DOES care about increasing his followers and taking a child out of a miserable life, where he could have easily turned to Satan is driving him crazy.

So, my life over the last month has pretty much stunk. I have a child with an unknown growth on his foot and world reknowned specialists don't know what it is. I have a husband who is miserable these days as he is having to shut down 4 branches and fire every one who works there. I have a pre-teen daughter (enough said?). And, a part of Joe's salary that we were counting on was taken away because of the poor economy. We needed that money. Boy, I hate to gripe about money because I know we have way more than most of the world, but it has been very hard this past month and we are trying to figure out how we are going to continue this journey debt free! We decided to put our house up for sale, due to the fact that we really could use another bedroom and a little more space. And, as you all know, this isn't the best time to be selling.

And..our marriage, which has been rock-solid for years, is being attacked. We feel so distant from each other. We are so busy with our own things right now, and I frankly don't want to hear about his miserable job and he doesn't want to hear about whether or not we should get shots.

In light of this life...why am I being lazy about the ONE thing that would make a difference? Yesterday, I laid on the couch for hours! Hours people! I think the last time I did that was when I was pregnant with Lincoln and was so sick I couldn't move. I am screaming at myself in my mind, "What are you doing? Stop being lazy! Do what you know you need to do!" But the desire to be slothful won.

That is so unlike me...I have so much to do and such little time! I have beds to set up, clothes to wash, things to pack, calls to make, plans to write - oh my, the list is actually never ending as it runs through my head.

Maybe I am frozen with fear? Or frozen by how much work I have to do. Either way, this is not what God wants from me. He does not want me to freeze!

I can't tell you how many time I have to keep going through the truth that God has called us to this! It is undeniable! I have talked to others recently who have felt called the adopt, but then felt the brakes come on - and stay on. That hasn't happened with us. There has been nothing that has slowed this down or caused us to even blink. So, I must stand on the truth that God calls us to care for orphans.

And...I MUST ARM MYSELF! Harry has a little piece of paper next to his bed. I taped it to the wall thinking it would be good for him to read before he goes to bed. But now I am thinking I was meant to see that every day and to stand on this truth: "Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be terrified; do not be discouraged, for the Lord your God will be with your wherever you go." Joshua 1:9.

I grabbed The Message to see how it puts this passage. "Make sure you carry out the Revelation that MOses commanded you, every bit of it. Don't get off track either left or right, so as to make sure you get to where you're going. And don't for a minute let this Book of the Revelation be out of mind. Ponder and meditate on it day and night, making sure to practice everything written in it. Then you'll get where you're going; then you'll succeed. Haven't I commanded you? Strength! Courage! Don't be timid; don't get discouraged. God, your God is with you every step you take." Joshua 1: 5-9

Pray for me. Pray that I stand on the Word of God and His promise to be with me every step of the way. I am learning there simply is nothing else! Nothing can carry me, nothing can prepare me, nothing can sustain me - only God and His Revelation.


Chrswrth said...

Traci- Don't be so hard on yourself. Sometimes we all need a bit of down time to recharge our batteries for the difficulties that lie ahead. I am not discounting that this could have been a spiritual attack. Spiritual warfare is all around us. If we could see that realm we would be surprised.
In any case, I have begun praying that God would place a hedge of protection around you and your family. I love you all very much and can't wait to see George when he comes home.
Love, Chris

Margaret said...

Hello my friend! How are you? Thinking of you!!!