"It Wasn't That Hard"

Joe and I just returned from a wonderful night away. You know, that really is all it takes to be refreshed and re-charged, one night. On the train ride home, we both were melancholy and couldn't wait to get back to our big family! We had a great time...I will write more about that later...but now, I want to share a conversation we had with Eleanor last night.

At the dinner table, I was sharing with Joe an email I had read earlier that day about a friend who adopted two girls the same time we were adopting George. This woman and I cried together on the plane ride home, both questioning what we had done. But, she seemed so positive...she kept saying, "Oh, it will be fine." I held on to her words and I used her positive attitude to challenge me. What were people thinking of me as they looked over and saw me fretting and crying? Because of this friend, I determined to "buck-up" and get through it.

We have followed each other's journey since that day. And while I have had joyous reports lately, my friend has not. The sixth month mark has not found things to be easier in her house. She has daughters who want to continue to communicate with their birth mother and they want to keep their Ethiopian language. George, on the other hand, has stopped talking about his life in Ethiopia and even yesterday sat in the kitchen with me and said, "No more Africa Daddy. I love my Daddy here." I don't know which is better or worse?

Joe and I never want to cause or encourage George to forget his amazing culture. We look forward to the day when we will take him back to Ethiopia to explore his native land! But for now, he is bonding with us, he is believing that we are his family and he is turning his back on Africa. For our family, that is working.

So, I was sharing with Joe how my friend is struggling and I brought up that her bio kids are also having a hard time. Joe asked, "Why?" and I looked at Eleanor and said, "I am sure you could tell us why they might be having a hard time."

Eleanor kind of shrugged and said, "I can't imagine still struggling. Mom, it really wasn't that hard...ever."

I couldn't believe my ears! Does she not remember the times George pulled down his pants and screamed at the top of his lungs in our front yard? Did she forget all of us taking refuge in the basement when he was in his room tearing it apart? I realized that she probably had forgotten those moments. Praise God!

It is amazing how that relationship has evolved. George truly looks to Eleanor as his big sister. When it is time to go outside to catch the bus, he wants Eleanor to be with him. He knows Harry and Isabel are older, but he doesn't feel totally safe until Eleanor is with him. George also now shows Eleanor pictures he has colored or letters he has written, wanting to get some praise from her. It is truly special moments like those that Eleanor focuses on now.

Children have an amazing capacity to forget...don't they? They remember the fun times, the joy filled days, the moments of belly laughter. And thankfully, they tend to forget - and let go of - hard times and bad days. I am convinced that is a gift from God and that is how He wants us all to live. We let the enemy in when we force ourselves to hold on to pain and anger and an unforgiving heart. Eleanor taught me a huge lesson in that one statement. It really wasn't that hard, so get over it!

I read a friend's blog who quoted another friend (the wonderful world of blogging) that totally smacked me in the face. Adopting an older child gives our children the capacity to learn how to love!! If we had not adopted George, my children would not have had the opportunity to learn how to truly love. Love in our bio family was easy and pretty clean. Loving George in those early months was hard and messy. But, bottom line, we taught our children that love is a choice...and they watched us chose to love George. They have never had to see that choice being made before...now it was staring them in the face every day. Are my parents going to stick with him? Are they going to continue to serve and forgive and sacrifice? Imagine the eternal lessons they learned in those first few months. My children will never be the same after this....and now they want more siblings! They say, "Why not?"

They are all learning what is important in life and it isn't Gameboys, remote control cars, or Ugg boots. It is family and love. When we got home from our trip away, the seven of us lounged around on the couches for hours - just talking and laughing - just being together. And Joe looked over at me and said, "This is what life is all about." I agreed.

We (Joe and I) were created to be parents. That doesn't mean we don't make mistakes. Goodness, I made mistakes with them already this morning! It just means that we are all at our best when we are doing what God created us to be.

Adoption can be hard. Adoption can be draining. But, adoption is so worth it!! We ALL know a little more what it means to love the way Christ loves. We ALL know a little more what it means to chose to love. We ALL know a little more how innocent children need a good home to grow in and that it is not their fault when they are scared and angry. We have seen what a few months of love and stability can do for a child - it truly is amazing!

I long for the next generation, our children, to wipe out the need for orphanages or foster care. I long for the next generation to give up the idea of success means a big house with "great rooms" and gourmet kitchens, and instead embrace the idea of crowded houses full of love and laughter. I long for the next generation to realize it IS their problem that there are orphans out there.

God says 47 times in the Bible to care for the fatherless....do you think He means it? In the words of my 12 year old, "It really wasn't that hard....and I think we could do it again."

My Little Sparks

I just wanted to put this cute picture up here. This is Isabel and George getting ready to go to AWANA where they are both Sparks. They are both memorizing scripture, hiding it in their hearts, and I couldn't be more proud of my two little Sparks. George has been walking around the house for a month saying John 3:16 and it is a reminder to me each time I hear his say it what the good news is all about.

That reminds me of how we are preparing for Christmas this year...we keep asking George if he knows what Christmas is about and he shakes his head "no". As Christian parents, we have a choice to make...do we talk about Jesus AND Santa in the same breath? Do we even mention the red-suited jolly fat guy? George knows all about Jesus' crucifixion and I am so excited to share with him the glory of his birth.

I am looking forward to seeing Christmas through the eyes of George this year. It is like that first Christmas with your child when she is finally old enough to really get excited. We have no choice but to keep things simple this year, but I can't wait for the town's Christmas parade, or the making of the cookies and filling the home with Christmas songs. We have the chance to really set a precedent with our children about what Christmas is all about.

Finally, I just want to share a cute story about George and AWANA: Last week, George's group was talking about transportation in Old Testament times. The teacher was telling the kids how there were no cars or trains or airplanes back then and she proceeded to ask the kids how they thought people would get from one town to another.
George very proudly raised his hand with the perfect answer. (On a side note, as my friend was telling me this story, I thought for sure George would have the right answer. I thought he would say "donkey" since he is always talking about his Africa Daddy and his donkey.) So, the teacher called on George and waited for his answer. George put his hand down and very proudly answered, "A motorcycle!"

Brothers

Lincoln and George have started this game...they pretend they are going to sleep, say their good nights and then flop into their beds. Then they yell, "Good morning!" and fly out of bed, tossing the covers into the sky and racing around the house.

They did this at least 67 times last night...

And this morning, before school, another 2 times.

Then it was time for George to catch the bus for school. And Lincoln cried. Real, crocodile size tears. Not a whiny 4 year old cry (which we hear a lot these days), but a genuine sadness.

And George felt empathy for his little brother and said, "I'll play when home school."

They hugged, tight, and then George went outside to wait for the bus. As he waited he said, "Lincoln is my little brother. I love him."

It is these little moments that mean so much.

I Am a Weldie Now!

Today was a very big day for us, but even more for George. Today, we officially re-adopted him. Now he is a US citizen. Now he is a Weldie. He is a new creation!

Oh how meaningful this day was...in so many ways. A few weeks ago, when I took my paperwork to the Jefferson County probate court to set up our court date, I made the decision to just have Joe and I go to court, say our "I do"s and then go home. George would stay in school and he would never know what went on.

You see, I was not trying to be mean. I have come to realize how unfamiliar settings can send George into a tailspin. Those tailspins entail George reverting back to the George of month one or two. A light bulb has finally gone off in my head about this...he is scared, uncomfortable, unsure how to communicate how he feels an so he switches into "survival mode". This means he wants to hurt us before we can hurt him. He will be mean to us before we can be mean to him. He will turn off his emotions before someone can cause him pain. He does whatever he needs to protect his fragile emotions. So, I thought that taking him to a court, standing before a judge, all that stuff, would cause George anxiety. And, I simply did not want to make our re-adoption of him an anxious moment.

But, God whispered to my heart, "He deserves a celebration. I delight in him. I want you to delight in him!" Oh, how those words pierced my soul and I knew at once these were the words of truth. George deserved a celebration!

Passionately, I cried to Joe that I had changed my mind and not only would we be taking George, we would pull all the kids out of school to mark this very special day.

We tried in vain to explain what was about to take place; we would go before a judge and he would review our post-adoption reports and then he would make a decision about whether or not he could officially be a Weldie. George just didn't get it, because in his mind and in his heart, he was already our son. We agreed, but tried to say that we needed to do this anyway. I don't think he understood at all.

On the drive there, George was his usual self, "Can you radio, please?" Translation: can you turn on the radio please? That was soon followed by "I LOVE that song!"

As soon as we walked into the lobby of the courthouse, George froze. We had to pass through a metal detector. Immediate flash backs of our time in the various airports on the way home from Addis. Images of a smelly, dirty boy screaming at the top of his lungs, being dragged through the metal detectors filled my brain. Oh no...I totally forgot about these things. Joe bent low to George and simply told him, "I will never leave your side."

That seemed to be enough for George to relax a bit...that and seeing all his siblings go through with smiles and giggles. The sheriff on duty was amazing and joked and smiled the whole time - and not those corny jokes of someone trying to "Funny Guy" - you know, the loud funny guy that seems to pop up in every crowd situation. No, this guy was saying simple jokes to Harry and Eleanor and then reassured George that it would all be OK. Nice guy!

We climbed up a flight of stairs and then walked down a long hallway. The whole time we were passing rooms of people, most of them looking unhappy or nervous. Our brood, on the other hand, was skipping and laughing and holding hands as we excitedly sauntered to our court room. What a contrast in life...here we were celebrating adding a son to our family...and there they were, not exactly sure why, but with looks of fear on their faces.

The courtroom was meticulous and in the waiting room we lectured the kids about proper behavior in the court room. We walked in quietly, took our seat and prepared to see a case that was in front of us. Apparently the docket had become backed up (no surprise) and we were no longer a 2:15 case, probably more like a 3:00 case. I have to admit that Harry and Eleanor in particular were excited about seeing a real live case, and the former home schooling mother was just bubbly inside thinking about the discussions we could have on the way home about law, public defense, judges, etc. But, the court clerk took one look at our brood and said, "Why don't we move case 3021 up." The judge agreed. The defendant of the case before us looked very annoyed when the judge ordered him into the waiting room. We didn't care...we were now up!

The seven of us came forward and sat at the tables: Joe, George, Lincoln and I at the defense table. Isabel, Eleanor and Harry at the prosecutors table. We were all a little giggly and so desperately wanted to talk into our little microphones. George kept putting it up to his ear (which he keeps calling his eye) and trying to hear music. I am sure we were quite a sight!

The judge opened our case and started reading through the file. He asked Joe and I a few questions and then said, "I am ready to make my judgement."

I have to admit, I held my breath a bit. How could he make a judgement already?

"I find that Joe and Traci Weldie are of sound mind and are fit parents and are doing what is in the best interest of the child. I approve of the petition to adopt. From this moment forward Georgebush Joseph Lema will be known as George Bush Weldie."

In the best interest of the child....time seemed to stop as I pondered those words. We really are doing what is in George's best interest. No matter all my hard days and all the arguments and fights and struggles, all this IS in the best interest of George! He is now a US citizen - wow! His life is so different from this moment on. The life expectancy of a male in Ethiopia is 42 years! Now, George has double the life time to love and grow and serve the Lord. Praise God!

The judge said, "Now you can clap." And we all laughed and clapped and smiled huge grins at each other. We took a picture, and actually a man in the gallery volunteered to take a picture of all of us - I am soooo disappointed at how blurry it is, but we do have a picture of all 7 of us with the judge.

The judge came off his bench and gave George a high five and said, "I love your name! George Bush is one of my favorite people - so I am sure you are going to be great man." He then told Joe and I how wonderful it is to reside over adoptions like this: all joy! I looked around and everyone in the room was smiling and clapping - everyone was celebrating George!

On the way home, we explained to George how we all have middle names and we went around the car a few times each sharing our full name. It was quiet for a minute and then we heard George say, "George Bush Weldie. I am a Weldie now."

Six Month Update

I am a little late, but it is time for our sixth month update. On the last day of April, Joe and I landed at O'Hare airport in Chicago with our new son, George. We were dazed, worn out, and absolutely terrified. We had just experienced the worst 20 hours of our lives, with George causing such a commotion in customs back in Dulles (Washington DC) that the federal agents barely checked our luggage, just wanting to get that screaming boy out of there. Joe and I wept on the plane ride home, continuing to ask, "What have we done to our family?"

When we arrived home, our kids had made beautiful sings, they hung bright orange balloons all over the outside of our home, and they raced to the car with smiles, ready to hug and welcome their new brother. What they got was a boy screaming and crying who just stared out the windows of his new house.

Over the first month, we experienced things that had never occurred in our home before. Temper tantrums unlike any other, rooms being torn apart, clothing constantly being taken off in anger, pinching, hitting, spitting.

Each night, when George was finally in bed, we would all let out a huge sigh of relief that the house was now quiet and I would cling to my home made children, not wanting to let them go. And each night, I would fall asleep dreading the cries of "Momma!" that I would inevitably hear as George would scream when he needed to go to the bathroom. He didn't really want me...he just wanted to have permission to get out of bed.

I remember calling Carole, a friend who was about 7 months ahead of me in adopting older boys from Ethiopia. I cried as I asked her, "When will this get better?" I clung to her sweet southern accent as she very calmly replied, "Oh, Traci, it WILL get better! In three months you will see a difference with language. In six months, oh, there will be such a difference. Please just hang in there." I hung up the phone with her and decided on that day I would start marking time...if I could just get to three months, things will be better. Then, I set a goal for getting to six months, just longing to be proven that, indeed, things would be so different.

Well, we just passed the six months mark...and I am not even sure how to put into words the changes that have happened. Joe and I were driving home from the airport this past Saturday, with George happily sitting in the back seat. We both paused to just look at him...he was staring out the window just fascinated with each and every car that zoomed past, and he bopped his head to the music, singing a word every now and then that he might remember. His face is so different...he holds his head up high, he looks at us when we talk to him, and he smiles... a lot now. And, in that moment of looking back at George in the car, Joe and I could not even whisper a word, we simply started crying with each other. We have come so far!

That behavior in those first few months was the behavior of a terrified, angry child. All he needed was love and stability. Look at what six months of love can do for a child! And I am not tooting my own horn here - y'all know how difficult it has been for me to love George...the love that has changed George's life is none other than GOD'S LOVE!

I guess I could go into details about all the ways George has changed over the past six months; how he loves his dog, how he is thriving in school and almost reading (even impressing the Title 1 teachers), how he loves Awana and can't wait to learn more about Jesus, how he sleeps through the night without crying anymore, how he confidently plays with his neighbors...the list could go on and on. Let's just say, those who knew George in Ethiopia would not recognize the boy now..he has LIFE in him again!

The one thing I find very interesting about George right now is that he absolutely hates (and I hardly ever use that word) when we talk about his life in Africa to other people. As soon as he hears us answering some one's questions about Ethiopia and what his life was like, he says, "No talk about Africa!" and hides. He also does not want to be reminded, in any way, about his behavior when he first came home. This is a case of a person being adopted into a family and being a totally new creature, not wanting anything to do with their former life.

It's a reminder of how we are to be when we are adopted into God's family - look at how George doesn't want to even talk about his life before us - why are we still attracted to the things of this world after we are made new? I have a great example right before me of how easy it is to put that old life behind me and embrace my new life. Maybe this topic is for another day...just something to think about for now.

I was kicking the soccer ball with George this morning as we waited for the bus (not sure my neighbors appreciate the noise at 6:30am - but we were cold and needed to do something to warm us up). A ball he kicked raced past me, so I had to run up the yard quite a bit...right then the bus pulled up and while Isabel and Harry just yelled, "Bye mom!", George ran as fast as he could yelling, "I can't go without a hug from Momma!". He threw himself into my arms, hugged tight, and then raced back down the driveway to get on the bus. That says it all.

Joy of a Big Family

George is getting it....what it means to be part of a big family. Over the last month, George has had the chance to see both sets of grandparents...one for the third time, and one for the first time. And we have worked hard over the last month explaining what grandparents are and who they are in relation to Joe and I. I think he is getting it!

My parents flew up from Ohio to spend a few days with us...and mainly to meet their 13th grandchild named George. In a way, I am so happy they waited until 6 months in to meet him, for the George of today is much different than the George of six months ago. The George of today smiles...a lot. He can read books from school, he jokes around and does his "Georgie dance", and he is fun to be around. My parents were amazed at how much English he can speak and when I started to think about it, it is amazing how quickly he has grasped the English language!

George had been told that when he got off the bus, his grandparents would be home. So, on Wednesday, he ran off the bus right past me! He ran straight into the house, looking for his grandparents. Without even so many words, George knew that his grandparents loved him. I don't know why...I can't explain it...but I think God had blessed him with the peace of knowing he has a big family out there who love him. And so he ran straight into the arms of my mom and said, "Hi Grandma!"

Soon after that, George was outside kicking a football with my dad (whom he called Grandpa all week...we call him Grandad, but no one cared about this little renaming) and Lincoln. I could hear him laughing and saying "Oh Grandpa! Kick it high!" George was just getting the chance to learn what it is like to play ball with a grandfather. It was a priceless moment for me...and I am sure one for George as well.

What a gift to give a child who had so little! He now has a family of four grandparents who shower him with love and attention...four grandparents who all want to know him and learn from him. We were told George lived with his grandmother in Ethiopia, but he flatly refuses that notion. Who know? But now he has the love that is given from grandparents that is unique and special.

Meeting Grandma and Grandad (or Grandpa)

We just completed a very nice weekend with my parents visiting from Ohio...I will post more later, but wanted to share a few pictures. I will say that George was wonderful this weekend and has seemed to really embrace the idea of having a big extended family.